Calendar Girl (March) Chapter 10: Everything Worked Out

In case you actually expected a book in this series to end otherwise.

Calendar Girl (March): Chapter 10

The books ends with a celebration for the release of the Fasano’s new frozen food line, which I still can’t believe is the celebration that this book really went with.

…get it?

The party’s going to attract a lot of media. For some reason a lot of media are showing up for a restaurant announcing that they’re going to sell frozen food.

I’d heard several cookbook publishers and some TV executives were going to be on location and wanted to talk to Tony about a TV opportunity and Mama Mona about a Fasano cookbook

If you had two better ideas, why didn’t you go with one of those?

This event was supposed to be the coming out of my relationship with Tony as his fiancée.

Three ideas! Why are we at a FROZEN FOOD PARTY?

I’d warned him that the media would spin something nefarious having seen me with two other celebrities in the past couple of months.

Yeah, actually, I’ve been wondering about this. If Mia is only working with celebrities all year, isn’t someone eventually going to start getting curious about that? Especially when a few weeks later she’s with yet another celebrity? None of these people just happen to be rich; they’re all famous too. How is no one a little bit curious about this girl who showed up out of nowhere as the subject of a famous artist’s newest exhibition, as this soon-to-be TV star’s girlfriend, and the same thing but in Hollywood?

He’d assured me it would be okay and that everything was under control. Translation in my head: Everything was not okay […] Tony had been acting incredibly strange all week.

Ok, so we can probably rest easy that he’s going to propose to Hector tonight. Also because the narrative has spent no time convincing me anyone has a plan to explain how Tony’s fiancée is dating someone else in another part of the country in a week. But also this.

Tony was coming and going more often, spending less time with Hector and me, and acting like a guy holding a giant secret.

LOOK, DO YOU WANT US TO PRETEND TO BE SURPRISED OR NOT?

Mia assures the readers that whatever happens, she had a great month.

He was going to be someone I knew for the rest of my life. Someone like Gin, Maddy, Alec, and Wes. Someone I could count on.

Bullshit she’s friends with Alec. You know we see literally everything Mia does, right?

Before the… sigh… frozen food party, Mia gets a phone call from her aunt about her next client. Mia also informs her aunt that Tony was gay, to which her aunt says, “it looks like you won’t be receiving that extra payout this time”. This is approximately when I remembered that the reader knows Mia’s aunt who cares a little too much about her sex life better than anyone in the list of people she just said she’s closest to.

Mia learns that her next client is the newest star player for the Boston Red Sox. Again, there isn’t a single paparazzi in the country who’s gotten curious about this girl who keeps dating celebrities in different parts of the country?

“Well, you’re going to Boston, Massachusetts.”
“Never been. What’s in Boston, and why will I love it?” Aside from the best baseball team in the known universe, that is.

IF SHE’S NEVER BEEN TO BOSTON, HOW IS THAT HER FAVORITE TEAM?

Initially it was because I liked that they had socks as their logo, but mostly it was because my dad liked them and it brought us together.

…ok, I immediately take that one back because this is silly and charming, but that was not the most believable way to introduce this idea, book.

Like, even by this book’s writing standards:

“You’re going to be the escort for the newest it-boy on the Boston Red Sox, Mason Murphy.”
“No way! I’ve heard of him. He currently holds the highest batting average and most runs for the year!”

“BEEP BOOP!” Robot Mia exclaimed. “THAT HUMAN HAS THE LARGEST QUANTITY OF RUNS IN THIS CURRENT CALENDAR YEAR BEEP BOOP MY PANTIES ARE ALREADY WET.”

“This is amazing. But why would he need an escort?”
“Something about having a woman on his arm makes him seem more committed to the team and his image. His publicist thinks having a girlfriend for the first month of the season will take the pressure off, show advertisers he’s a loyal-type of guy.”

I don’t know much about curating celebrity, but I am very suspicious of all of this logic.

“Ok guys, here’s the deal. Your publicist thinks the chicks will dig you even MORE if you, I dunno, weren’t available?”

After that scene, the party starts. The frozen food party. Look, I really don’t want to undersell this point: this is a dumb climax. Mia’s nerves aren’t helped by the fact that Tony’s mom, Mona Fasano, is acting distant towards her.

I shrugged. With Mona Fasano, a person never knew what was cooking.

Maybe because we had like two scenes with this character and literally every line of dialogue she had had something to do with babies.

It isn’t long before Tony addresses the media.

“The expansion of the Fasano name into the frozen-foods sector was a dream of my father’s, Joseph Anthony Fasano.”

LOOK, I’M JUST REALLY NOT BUYING THIS.

Tony announces his mom’s cookbook and the new cooking show, which will feature his entire family, including… “my life partner”????

“And that’s what brings me to my biggest announcement. You’ve heard it all professionally and, now, personally.”

Wait, where did they hear it professionally? Did he send out a press release that he was going to propose to his boyfriend before he proposed to him? I’m being totally serious, is there ANYTHING else this could possibly mean?

OR DID HE TELL HECTOR HE WAS GOING TO DO THIS AND FOR SOME REASON MIA IS THE ONLY PERSON THEY’RE KEEPING IN THE DARK? WHAT PART OF THIS MAKES SENSE?

Beside me, Hector’s eyes were huge and filled to the brim with tears. They spilled over the moment Tony’s hand came out, reaching for him.
“Hector Chavez, I love you. I’ll always love you. I want to spend the rest of my life loving you. This business, my family name, is nothing if you don’t share it with me.” […]
“Get off the ground.” Hector pulled Tony up from his knees. “My man kneels for no one. He stands proud, as I do for him. I’d be honored to marry you, to take the Fasano name.”

We started this blog almost five years ago, mostly reading romance, and this is the first time we’ve read a proposal scene ever that’s actually sweet.

Holy shitballs! This was an epic moment.

…yes. Yes it was, Mia. Thanks for helping us understand the pathos of the moment.

sarcastic clap

Tony’s youngest sister also reveals that she’s pregnant. Tony elatedly announces this to the press. The press gives a shit about this for some reason.

Tony finally turns to his mom.

“Ma,” Tony said into the microphone. “Do we have your blessing to make Hector an official part of the family? I know you wanted me to settle down with a good Catholic girl […] I know this is hard for you to accept. Even when I told you early this week, you knew this was coming. It’s always been Hector, Ma.”

I dunno, somehow addressing someone over a sound system at a press conference about how something might be difficult for them seems like a bad way to ease them into it?

Mona pulled her son into her arms. “Oh you stupid, stupid boy. I would have understood with time. I understand love.”

Fun fact: Mona lovingly addressing her son as a “stupid, stupid boy” is the first time in this book I was like, “ah, they’re Italian”.

Mia recaps that over the course of the evening:

  • She learned that all Tony’s sisters suspected, but never said anything
  • That Tony’s sister Angelina is working on a PR campaign to “spin this new information into something that wouldn’t tarnish the Fasano name”, which is… maybe not the best way to write that in a real book being published in this century?
  • Tony told his family that his fake girlfriend Mia was a “friend”. Yeah, that seems like a good decision.

Even though this was a surprisingly uplifting book with a moooostly not horribly stereotyped gay romance at its center, it still has to end with what’s really important: how this all affects Mia.

Tony & Hector,
I leave you today with happiness in my heart and tears in my eyes. Knowing the two of you has opened my eyes to the fullness life has to offer if you only allow yourself to take the risks.

I feel like… maybe the gay couple had different risks than Mia does… Just… just spitballin’ here…

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9 comments

  1. Rebecca Reply

    “No way! I’ve heard of him. He currently holds the highest batting average and most runs for the year!”

    Oh my god, I just…it’s not that hard to write realistic dialogue, right? If you read it out loud and you sound terrible, maybe don’t put it in? I’m so confused by these books.

    It really detracts from the immersion when the text immediately raises a million questions. And then I think–how many people looked at this and we’re like “eh, yeah.” ??

    Also MIA OMG WHY ARE YOU SO SELF OBSESSED.

    4+
  2. Erin Reply

    I just have this horrible feeling this is all going to circle back at the end…like Wes is going to propose to her at the Red Sox stadium (sorry, not a baseball fan) while Alec’s painting is on the Jumbotron and they’re eating the oh so popular Fasano frozen food which is naturally served at the stadium now among With 8 other RIDICULOUS things from each month which will remind her (and us) of how much she’s learned and how far she’s come…BLAH. Because out of all the bad endings to a bad series, that would be the worst and I have to go with the odds here.

    5+
    • matthewjulius Post authorReply

      THAT SOUNDS AMAZING WHAT DO YOU MEAN???!! That clusterfuck is all the hope I need to get through these books now!

      5+
  3. callmeIndigo Reply

    I keep being surprised by how short these books are. It’s almost like there isn’t enough plot to sustain twelve individual books. Hmm.

    2+
    • matthewjulius Post authorReply

      They’re all novellas, originally released every month the year this story was coming out. So they are supposed to be quick reads. It’s kind of a neat idea! The plot could have… still used some work. But it’s a neat format!

      3+
  4. wordswithhannah Reply

    It never occurred to me how weird it is that she keeps dating these semi-famous people. Granted, she keeps moving to different parts of the country but surely someone obsessed with pop culture has noticed? Given how skillful teenagers on MySpace were at reconstructing the day-to-day actions of their pop culture icons, it does seem to stretch the boundaries of belief that no one has caught on yet.

    3+
  5. Pip Reply

    I know this is totally unrelated, but, if you’re ever feeling like you want a retro throwback a la Sweet Valleyou High, there’s this series of books called the Dollanganger series, and the writing is pretty similar to svh (awful, but easily mocked) but they’re a bit more weird. Idk, it might be a contender if you need a palate cleanser after the non sequitur madness of House of Night. Hilarious post as always 🙂

    1+
    • Madeline Reply

      V.C. Andrews is on a whole different level of batshit. I would love to see what this blog would do with it.

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      • Catherine Hanna Reply

        The 1980s movie adaptation of Flowers in the Attic is accidentally hilarious. It doesn’t have the sibling incest parts of the book, and apparently removing that from the story lets the absurdity shine through in the best way.

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