Calendar Girl (April) Chapter 5: Now the Book is About Breast Cancer Awareness and Hooking Rachel and Mason Up

Mia and Mason dive straight into planning a big fundraiser for breast cancer. I’m not sure how much of the book is left, but it feels kind of like in teen films when everything is leading up to the prom. It has to be where Mia learns this book’s lesson and where Mason and Rachel hook up it just has to. 

Rachel was all over the idea and thought it was great and offered to help make it something that would actually raise a lot of money for the cause as well as help Mason’s image. We hadn’t talked about last week’s nightmare and she didn’t seem in the mood to. Each time she was present she was all business all the time. Somehow, I had to find a way to get back into her good graces to promote Mason as a prospective boyfriend […] The orgy Rachel witnessed definitely did some serious damage to her belief that he would be into her and probably made him seem less desirable.

Um, but why? Why is Mia pushing this guy so hard when she barely even knows him? I get that we’re supposed to fully believe he’s this great guy underneath how terrible he is on the surface, but we really shouldn’t be asked to believe this. If Rachel minds what happened or doesn’t mind it, that’s her business. Mia, mind yours.

Mia then goes on to tell us how arousing the whole experience was and how now she finds Mason even more attractive. I wonder if somehow we’re headed into a scenario where Rachel/Mia/Mason hook up. Was that Calendar Girl’s idea of foreshadowing?

Later, Mia calls Ginelle, and their conversation proceeds as usual, lots of, “Bitch” here and “Skank” there. It turns out Gin is supposedly amazing when it comes to…ideas? Fundraising? Events? It’s unclear, but she suggests that they auction off some of the baseball players at the fundraiser. They talk a lot about how rich bitches will definitely go for this. It’s all very pro-women!

They move on to discussing how Mia’s sister is really happy with her new boyfriend and might sleep with him soon. Rachel walks in around this point in the conversation, and is pretty mortified when she overhears things moments like this:

This time I moaned. “Gin, don’t talk about cock and my sister in the same sentence. You’re going to make me break out in hives. And you better not be encouraging her to give it up to him either or I’ll hunt you down, pin you to a wall and cut off all your hair, put honey on your nipples and leave you for the ants!”

“Jesus Christ on a cross. That’s fucked up. You’d do that to your best friend? I need to make new friends. Mine’s a goddamned psycho!” she roared then laughed hard. I followed suit imagining her stuck to a wall with honey on her tits and her hair cut in chunks all over the place.

HOW IS THIS AMUSING? HOW DO YOU ROAR AND THEN LAUGH? DO ANTS ESPECIALLY LIKE HONEY? That was me roaring, and now I’m laughing, so I answered one of those questions.

After the phone call, Mia is shocked to learn that Rachel says nice things to her friends and doesn’t have that kind of relationship with them. I feel like we’re made to think that Rachel is the weird one here, but really there is no right way to have a friendship as long as both parties are happy, I guess, but I do think Gin/Mia’s friendship and bravado is way too forced.

Everyone continues to plan the event together, and at one point, Mason is so grateful to Rachel he does this totally professional thing:

Mason’s voice got low, but I could still hear him. “I’m sorry about what you saw last week. It shouldn’t have happened. That’s not the kind of guy I want to be.” He looked deeply into her big blue eyes and she nodded but didn’t respond. He moved close, inhaled against her hairline, and then kissed her cheek. “Thank you for your help with this. You didn’t have to pull all those strings.”

[…]

His fingers tunneled into the hair at the nape of her neck, his big hand cupped her jaw, and his thumb swept across her bottom lip. She gasped and I watched with rapt attention, hoping he’d make the move and kiss her. “What you’re doing to help my Mom, it means a lot. I won’t forget it. You need me, Rach, I’m there. Just call, anytime, anywhere. Got it?” he said then leaned forward and kissed her forehead as if she was something precious.

He conveniently leaves the room, and Mia tries to convince Rachel how into her Mason is. She’s like, “No, I’m just his employee”, but girl, employers should not/do not generally go around like sniffing your hairline, kissing your cheek, cupping your jaw, tunnelling their hands into your hair or SWIPING THEIR THUMB ACROSS YOUR BOTTOM LIP for helping them plan an event. This is an awful will they/won’t they situation. Unless they don’t, then I’d be like, ‘woah’.

Rachel argues with Mia that Mason usually goes for sexy women like Mia.

“Sweetheart, I’m not the type of girl you marry. I’m the type of girl you flirt with and fuck. Mason doesn’t want to settle for a girl like me. He wants to have what his Dad had. A wife, a home, children, the whole enchilada. You’d give him that and more. You’re the whole package. Not an escort who’s talented at waiting tables, can act, and rocks a man’s world in the bedroom. That last one I’m pretty proud of, but it isn’t going to secure me Mr. Right, just Mr. Right Now. I think you need to be open to more with Mason, especially since I’ll be out of your hair in two weeks.”

Remember when we spent a whole book where Mia learned to love herself? Glad that lesson stuck. Continuing the lesson, she basically tells Rachel to change everything about her look to get Mason to like her…even though he already likes her as is, and all she actually has to do is talk to him. But okay, Matthew is right, we have a Grease situation on our hands.

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9 comments

  1. Rebecca Reply

    I hate Mia and Ginelle so much. There are no words.

    Also, Mia talking about herself “rocking a man’s world” in the bedroom is so forced. And condescending. She starts that speech with “sweetheart?” Like she’s a wise old southern woman? Fuck you, Mia.

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    • 22aer22 Post authorReply

      oh my god she called her “sweetheart” like 600 times. At one point, Rachel tells her she’s just as crass as Mason, but I think what’s worse is that she’s just using “sweetheart” instead of his stupid “sweetness”. I should have talked more about this in the post, but I was just like CAN’T DEAL.

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      • Rebecca Reply

        I’m really bothered by the “crass with a heart of gold” characterization. I hate it with Ginelle and I hate that we’re supposed to think Mia is a “cool girl.” Not every character needs nuance, but the main character should probably have something more than “she acts like a gross douche bag.” She and Mason could really ruin some lives together. They’re meant to be.

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        • 22aer22 Post authorReply

          Yeah, I totally agree. It’s so over-the-top I find it incredibly off-putting. Most of the time what they’re saying doesn’t even make sense. Plus, when you contrast that behaviour with how Mia describes herself this chapter…it doesn’t seem like they’re these sex-positive women, it seems like they’re ashamed of themselves and trying to mask it under all this excessive, sexual bravado.

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          • Rebecca Reply

            It’s really sad that writers who clearly can’t handle the subject material keep getting hold of the best concepts, just to butcher them.

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  2. Madeline Reply

    Please let there be a plot twist and Rachel files a sexual harassment lawsuit.

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  3. wordswithhannah Reply

    “Sweetheart, I’m not the type of girl you marry. I’m the type of girl you flirt with and fuck. Mason doesn’t want to settle for a girl like me. He wants to have what his Dad had. A wife, a home, children, the whole enchilada. You’d give him that and more.”

    And then Rachel runs crying from the room because her endometriosis has effectively denied her that future. Or something. Way to assume that Rachel is in any way on board with this Norman Rockwell vision of yours, Mia. Maybe Rachel never wants children. Maybe she wants to travel the world with her famous baseball player boytoy and never put down roots. Maybe she doesn’t want a guy with an Oedipal complex. WHY ARE KIDS ALWAYS THE ANSWER?

    And wow, holy low self-esteem, Batman. It would be one thing for Mia to own her status and make it her own choice, saying “I don’t want to get married and I’m clear on that” but to make it a more passive “I’m not the kind of person someone wants to marry [presumably due to any number of deficiencies on my part]” is heartbreaking.

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    • 22aer22 Post authorReply

      SO TRUE!!!! Also, Matt covered the chapter where Mia met Mason’s family, but did he explicitely say this was also the life he wanted? Maybe Mia is just projecting her own feelings onto both these people and inventing this love story in her head. That would be a great twist.

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