Calendar Girl (June) Chapter 6: Mia Advances The Plot

Yeah, not much else to say about this chapter. She does the thing this book in the series is about.

Calendar Girl (June): Chapter 6

Mia is at another fundraiser, being Warren’s arm candy while he networks and mingles with other absurdly rich men, saying things to Mia like, “you spend a spell with the other ladies here while the men and I talk business”. Good thing we’ve learned that he’s only acting like a dick with no respect for women, but he’s really a nice guy who’s keeping his long-term girlfriend a secret because she’s from a lower social class! …wait, that sounded like more of a positive when the book implied it.

I know I use this gif a lot, but, I mean, really

Mia gets left behind at a table with seven other women: all someone’s unceremoniously dumped eye candy and all shooting daggers at each other. Except Mia runs into people who inexplicably immediately want to be her friend everywhere she goes, so…

I waved awkwardly. “Hi, I’m Mia.”
All but one looked at me with daggers in her eyes. “Hi, I’m Christine Benoit, the only one here married to my guy. The rest of the girls are a little bitchy.”

Ok, this is going to sound absurd because we’re off to our typically Calendar Girl-ian brand of misogyny here, but Christine turns out to be 100% my favorite character in this series so far. You just have to wait for it.

“That’s a serious rock!” I exclaimed […]
Her entire face lit up as she held her hand aloft. “I know, right? My daddy takes good care of me.”

…you really have to wait for it.

“He’ll be sixty-six this year.”
“And you are?”
“Twenty-five.” […]
“And forty-one years’ difference in age doesn’t bother you?”
She shook her hand. “Gosh, no. He’s so good to me. Pulled me right off the streets, set me up with a place to live, helped me get my GED, and then put me in college. Now I have a bachelor’s degree and work at Benoit Shipping Inc., our headquarters. […] I run all the new marketing campaigns. […] And you want to know a secret? […] We’re expecting our first baby.”

Is it weird if the only part I rolled my eyes at is the idea that anyone with that much money in America would ever just bump into someone “off the streets”? Aside from that, Christine seems… fine? She might be the first character in Calendar Girl who’s supposed to be funny and ridiculous that… is kind of funny and ridiculous?

“We share an office, play a little hide the pickle when we’re stressed, and then get back to it.” […]
“Did you just say hide the pickle?”

I know. It’s always controversial whenever I kind of like a character on this blog, but just wait.

Mia recognizes the last name Benoit and remembers that this is the wife of one of the men that Warren was talking talking about.

Apparently the man had ships set all along the Eastern side of Canada. […] It was the perfect location to transport supplies from Canada to the United Kingdom, where they’d be loaded into freight vehicles that could run all the way down to Mali, one of the poorest countries in Africa.

Whoa. Wait. Remember when I joked back in chapter two that Calendar Girl‘s solution for bringing healthcare to impoverished countries was basically as goofy as driving up to Canada to get cheap drugs? That’s actually what it is. It’s actually that stupid.

And that’s probably as close as I can get to a joke about how the cost of healthcare works without making people angry, so here’s a gif of a dog playing in a waterpark

Mia realizes her new friend (just roll with it, this is how fast Mia makes lifelong friends) has given her a golden opportunity, and they go to another room to talk in private, where Mia explains Warren’s project to Christine and how the Benoits’ company can help. Christine is super on board.

“Well, maybe you could put in a good word fro Warren with Frances?” […]
She shook her head. “Oh no, I’m going to do better than that. She pulled out a cell phone from her purse, clicked a few buttons, and held it up to her ear. [sic]

I don’t know if it bothers me more that they missed an end note in this book (because pffft what’s copyediting) or that this book takes place in 2015 but her cell phone still has buttons on it.

Anyway, as promised, Christine is ridiculous and I love it.

“Yeah, snookums. We’ll make it this year’s charitable contribution, and I can even run up a campaign about the good work we’re going to do with Shipley, Inc.” She said another few “uh-huhs” and “mm-hmms,” and then turned to the side. Her hand slid from her neck down to her breast, where she cupped it boldly. “Yeah, they need to be squeezed.”

Hey, I can’t judge some good multitasking.

“The baby is making me so horny.”

I mean, just everything that comes out of this character’s mouth somehow only gets more absurd.

“We’re totally going to do the shipments for the Shipleys.”
I wanted to jump up and down and celebrate, but she started grabbing at her boobs in a brazenly wanton way.
“You into threesomes?” she asked distractedly.

THIS GIRL IS ALL OVER THE PLACE AND I AM ALL FOR IT.

Mia politely declines and Christine strips down to a thong right as her husband shows up and they almost immediately start going down on each other. All while Mia is just standing there. Christine, you were ridiculous, your time in this story was far too brief, and I will remember our time together fondly.

Mia awkwardly excuses herself, finds Warren, fills him in on what happened, and start knocking back whiskey to celebrate/process what Mia just witnessed. They get shithammered and get home super late, where Kathleen is waiting up for them. Very thankfully, we don’t do the same version of this “oh no! Mia and her client went out drinking and his love interest IS HURT” scene we did back in book 4, and Warren instead drunkenly starts dancing with Kathleen and she laughs about it. I guess it’s cute if you give a shit about these minor characters who will disappear forever after four chapters.

you can probably guess where I fall on this

Another one of Warren’s staff, James, helps get a drunk Mia to bed. He reveals that it’s no secret that Warren’s been in love with Kathleen for forever, that the shrine of his dead wife’s things mostly exists because he doesn’t know what to do with them and because “he didn’t want to hurt his son, [Aaron]. He’s more sentimental than he lets on.” This seems like a good time to point out that Aaron has barely been in this book. I’m not complaining.

Mia also drunkenly tells James about Wes.

again

Hard to tell if it’s intentional or not, but James doesn’t seem to give a shit either.

“He’s not really mine, but he’s more mine than anyone else’s.”
“I see. Sounds complicated.” Boy, he didn’t know the half of it.

Fuck it. James is my second favorite character in Calendar Girl. That said, please don’t ask me to remember Christine and James’ names next week. I assure you I will have forgotten.

4+
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4 comments

  1. Anne

    So Warren has to keep his relationship with Kathleen a secret because she is of a lower class, but this Benoit guy can pluck some girl of the street and that is totally fine? I hope Christine realizes that the moment she turns 30 Benoit will divorce her, because the only reason they are together is because she is young and sexy.

    6+

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  2. Sue W

    Good grief! Why do all the other girls have to be “bitchy”? Aren’t they all just escorts like Mia?

    5+

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  3. callmeIndigo

    I totally missed the transition between “at a table full of people” and “in a private room” on first read of this post but given this series’s history of weird voyeurism I only sort of questioned it.

    5+
  4. Pip

    So, uh, all these politicians are picking up poor young women and transforming and improving their lives? As I have decided to live in a fantasy, can someone, like, introduce me to one?

    2+

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