Darker Chapter 3 (Part 1): Andrea is Getting Married

Happy New Year, everyone!

Previously…Christian came home with Ana. He made her eat. They had sex. Okay, I think we’re covered!

SATURDAY, JUNE 11, 2011:

Christian has a nightmare about Ana, and when he wakes he finds she’s having a nightmare too.

She blinks once more, and her voice is clearer, less fearful. “There was a girl outside SIP when I left this evening. She looked like me, but not really.”

My scalp tingles.

Leila.

“When was this?” I ask, sitting upright.

“When I left work this evening.”

She’s shaken. “Do you know who she is?”

“Yes.” What the hell is Leila doing confronting Ana?

“Who?” Ana asks.

Christian gets annoyed when he realises that Ana won’t stop asking until she has answers. The nerve!

“It’s Leila.” Her frown deepens.

“The girl who put ‘Toxic’ on your iPod?”

The one and the same. 

The greatest thing about this re-read is that I have an inkling that this made me crack up before, but it’s been long enough that I got to truly relive the magic of that line.

Christian calls his security guy, and they discuss what happened.

“I think you should consider additional security for her, sir.” “I don’t know how that will go down.”

I look at Ana as she folds her arms, accentuating the outline of her breasts as they strain against the white cotton of my shirt.

“Male POV means getting constantly distracted by breasts!”

Christian continues to get distracted by Ana’s sexiness while he makes serious security decisions. Once he’s off the phone, Ana offers him a cup of tea to relax. As with most things, Christian does not take this well for some reason:

I don’t want fucking tea. I want to bury myself in you and forget about Leila.

What is it with the books we read on here and the man always wanting to use sex with the female protag as a means of ‘forgetting’. I’m probably reading too much into this (but that’s kind of my job, damn it!), but it seems to objectifying. There’s nothing about Ana in that statement, just using her body for a means to his own end.

He then refuses to talk to her more about what’s going on even though she’s definitely involved now and deserves clarity.

“…She found me and accosted me outside my office. How does she know about me? How does she know where I work? I think I have a right to know what’s going on.”

She has an answer for everything.

For all his talk of protecting Ana, surely giving her information would be a step in the right direction.

She won’t give up. I sigh with exasperation and tell her that Leila made a haphazard attempt at suicide.

Christian just can’t even with telling Ana about Leila’s suicide attempt.

He explains that they’ve been looking for Leila, and he also gives Ana some backstory about how Leila got married shortly after he broke things off with her. Christian grows impatient with this and pushes for more sex instead even though Ana repeatedly offers him a cup of tea. TAKE THE DAMN TEA, CHRISTIAN.

Later, Ana and Christian fight about the money Christian tries to give Ana from the sale of her old car. He also informs her that he has the keys to her new car as well. Ana wants to give Christian the money from her car to purchase this new one. This seems very reasonable, but of course things escalate. Ana rips up the check when Christian won’t take it from her.

He’s so mad! How dare she! So he retaliates by calling his assistant. This brings us to my favorite part of this chunk of the chapter:

“Hi, Andrea.”

In the background, on her side of the call, I hear a woman shouting, “Doesn’t he realize you’re getting married today, Andrea?” Andrea’s voice comes through, “Excuse me, Mr. Grey.”

Married!

[…]

“You’re getting married?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Today?”

“Yes. What is it you want me to do?”

“I want you to deposit twenty-four thousand dollars into Anastasia Steele’s bank account.”

I thought at the point where he realised she was getting married he’d, you know, wish her the best and extract himself immediately from the conversation. I did not think he’d continue on with his COMPLETELY NON WORK RELATED REQUEST. You know what, or he’d be like, “And while you’re at it, take two grand from me too! Call it a wedding gift!” But no. He’s just a complete piece of shit.

angry leslie

“Anything else, sir?”

“No, that’s all, Andrea.”

I hang up, aggravated that I’ve disturbed her on her wedding day and more aggravated that she didn’t tell me she was getting married.

Why wouldn’t she tell me? Is she pregnant?

Will I have to find a new PA?

If this were 30 Rock or Great News we’d now get tons of flashbacks where Andrea talks about her wedding to Christian.

Later, they go to get Ana a haircut. This is when Christian, for some reason, takes Ana to the salon that he owns with Elena. The same one where he used to bring all of his subs. Of course Elena is there that day, and of course Ana immediately realises he used to bring all of his subs there. This was a terrible plan from the start!

Elena has a quick word with one of her employees, then she spies me and lights up like Christmas, her expression one of wicked delight.

I love this. I think she means lights up like its Christmas or like a Christmas tree.

Ana makes them leave, which makes complete sense.

Christian is informed by his security that Leila can now buy a gun. They need to be careful and get to Christian’s place so he can protect Ana. Leila could be anywhere!

Where are you, Leila?

Behind a parked car? A tree?

Hiding in a trashcan? Under a bridge?

Christian picks Ana up and carries her down the street when she doesn’t agree to go home with him.

I scoop her up and throw her over my shoulder, ignoring the startled look of a couple walking past us.

“Put me down!” she rages, and starts to struggle. I tighten my hold on her and slap her behind.

Why doesn’t anyone help this woman? Ana, run! Take your chances with Leila!

Also from a purely practical perspective, this is a terrible thing for Christian to do. A scene like this would surely antagonise Leila if she was watching. Besides that, Christian is meant to be ultra famous in this world, so this seems like it could turn into a PR nightmare for him.

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9 comments

  1. Arin Reply

    One of those flashbacks is Andrea literally in her wedding dress asking Christian what he thinks of it.

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    • Madeline Reply

      There’s a full blown three tiered wedding cake literally on her desk out front.

      Honestly I’ve given up on being surprised by this series because it’s just so pointless sometimes but in most other cheesy romance novels (at least one I would WANT to read), the male lead’s reaction to her secretary getting married would be: “Oh, I should wrestle up a big gift.” or “Oh, note to self, give Andrea enough leave time for a fabulous vacation.” or “Oh, damn, Andrea is really really dedicated to this job.”

      NOT THIS DUMB EMOTIONAL LADY-GIRL IS GOING TO LEAVE NOW THAT SHE HAS A MAN AND I HAVE TO FIND ANOTHER SECRETARY WHAT A PAIN IN THE ASS. I’M SO FURIOUS.

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  2. callmeIndigo Reply

    “I sigh with exasperation and tell her that Leila made a haphazard attempt at suicide.”

    Haphazard is such a weird choice of word here, it makes it sound like he’s judging her for doing such a bad job of killing herself.

    Also note that Christian’s reaction to learning about Andrea’s wedding isn’t like, regret at not paying attention or like being happy for her or something, it’s just straight to “Those darned women, always getting married and having babies, these things are definitely always connected and now I might have to find a new PA because this one showed signs of having a life outside her job.”

    So like…I understand why she wouldn’t want to tell him about that.

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    • Andreas Reply

      What an outrage! That insolent woman didn’t ask her boss if it’s ok if she gets married! I bet she didn’t even ask Christian if he agrees to the guy she is seeing or if he should have choosen someone more to his liking!!!

      (Somewhere in the wide, howling emptiness of the internet there must be a historical novel fanfic based on 50 Shades with Christian going all ius primae noctis on his employees.)

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  3. Lya Reply

    I was expecting Leila show up dressed as Britney Spears

    -Leila?
    -It’s Britney, bitch tumtumtumtum

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  4. Jennifer Layton Reply

    Andrea isn’t coming back from her honeymoon. Her co-workers bought her a new identity as a wedding gift, and she and her husband are starting a new life in South America.

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  5. wordswithhannah Reply

    Isn’t Andrea a lesbian? So Mr. Control Freak Who Knows All doesn’t know that his PA is getting married AND doesn’t know that her spouse is a woman? He’s actually terrible at this.

    Oh god, we’re going to get a wacky reveal of her wife, aren’t we? Put that down on the list of things I am definitely not looking forward to.

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