BBGT Watches The Bachelor: Nick’s Season So Far

Matthew: My god, it’s finally happened: enough people are supporting us through Patreon that we hit the point where we said we’d start doing coverage for The Bachelor. As in the reality tv show where a number of women compete for one man’s affections, as he tries to feel out which one he wants to spend the rest of his life with. Yes, it is horrible, often boring, and frequently gross and manipulative. How can you WATCH this, you might ask. The same reason we read the books we do for this blog, dear readers – it’s so bad, it’s hilarious. Mostly. And now we’re gonna watch it so you don’t have to.

This is our first entry into the world of The Bachelor, and we’re doing it mid-season! This isn’t actually as weird as you would think. Jack shit has happened on this show so far. Get used to that. It happens a lot.

So before we get into our regular format for these posts, it’d probably be good to talk a bit about why we watch this show (and how), and then summarize what’s been going on so far. Because most of the contestants have been sent home by this point, but it mostly doesn’t matter, because this season has been particularly bad about making anyone who isn’t the villain (we’ll explain) seem like an actual person.

So, Ariel, how do YOU watch the show? Or engage with (long sigh) the Bachelor Nation? For me, the show itself isn’t even the fun part. I have watch parties with friends, and I check Twitter CONSTANTLY throughout the show. In between episodes, I also listen to Griffin and Rachel McElroy’s podcast, Rose Buddies, where they summarize and/or decipher the show. I also just recently joined the show’s Facebook group, so now “watching The Bachelor” means holding a conversation about a tv show with my friends, Twitter, and a community on Facebook while I’m ostensibly watching a tv show. What are YOUR methods, Ariel?

Ariel: Thanks to you, I really want to give Rose Buddies a listen!

At the moment, I tweet about the show when I finally manage to watch it, and check out what other tweets are like. Alexis (the contestant who was dressed as a dolphin/shark during the first episode) liked my tweet about her, which made me soooo happy since she was my favourite and I was so upset when she was eliminated.

And I try to watch it when my husband’s in the room because he actually secretly enjoys discussing it with me. He actually asked me to put it on the other day, but I’d already seen the episode and was like, “Sorry, I don’t have a spare 2 hours for a re-watch.”

I don’t know why I watch it. I honest to god don’t know. I find it wildly entertaining and I love to talk to you about it and tweet about it and joke about it with my friends who may not be watching this season but are familiar with other seasons.

Matthew: Oooooo so Alexis (aka Aspiring Dolphin Trainer aka Girl Who Dressed Up In A Shark Costume And Didn’t Realize Even Though She Maybe Works With Dolphins) is actually a good segue into a summary of what this season has been like so far.

Alexis was hilarious, and seemed to actually have a goofy chemistry with Nick. MAYBE. IT’S HARD TO TELL BECAUSE THE SHOW WON’T GET THE FUCK OVER CORINNE.

The editing this season has been atrocious. The show kicked off with twenty-something women, and as of this last episode we are apparently down to six, but I have no idea who the fuck any of them are because the show is OBSESSED with Corinne. And it’s too fucking much.

The contestants usually fall into a handful of archetypes. You have the “wifeys”, who are the frontrunners who clearly have a shot at a real (or whatever) relationship with the Bachelor. There are always some stunt people who just show up in a goofy costume or something and go home pretty quickly. And then there’s always a villain or two. At their best, they’re contestants who you love to hate, because they know how to manipulate and play the other contestants, and the viewer gets to agonize over when oh when will the bachelor(ette) realize that they’re actually an awful person and NOT THERE FOR THE RIGHT REASONS. It’s good shit. At their worst… they get all the fucking screen time and make the whole experience grating.

There is a LOT to get into because it’s hard to talk about this show without talking about the hate-watching and the weird ways that it’s problematic. But I’d argue the best way to sum up Corinne is that moment where, in an interview direct to the camera, she grabbed her breasts and went “Do you call THIS IMMATURE?” It’s not even funny how shallow and vapid she is anymore.

I don’t want to just shoot the shit about Corinne right now, but if we’re trying to summarize the season so far LOLOLOL WE’VE GOT NOTHING ELSE TO TALK ABOUT. Although there was a date where they went on the zero-g plane and barfed. That was important.

Ariel: Yeah! I was so disappointed when Alexis went home. Part of me saw it coming because she barely had screentime, but what she did have was just so so much fun. I felt like she and Nick were actually having real interactions rather than these staged conversations about how happy they are to be on a date. Oh god and when he sends her home, he’s just like, “You already know you’re amazing.” And it felt like such a genuine statement that I like to think they’re going to wind up being best friends in real life and Alexis will find love on Bachelor in Paradise. I tweeted at her to go on it, so she might take sage advice from some random girl on Twitter, I’m sure

I don’t like how much screentime Corrine is getting, but I also don’t hate her. She’s privileged as fuck clearly, but there’s also something about her I’m very drawn to. I think it’s that she’s transgressing a lot of The Bachelor rules but not in the way of someone like Chad. Being on The Bachelor is apparently very boring for the contestants a lof of the time from interviews I’ve read, and Corinne is just like ordering as many bottles of champagne as she can, taking naps, making out with Nick wheneva. I felt like Taylor was the idiot in the situation between them.

I miss Josephine solely because her friendship with Corinne was one of the more interesting developments for me rather than either of their relationships with Nick. Actually, yeah, I find the friendships intriguing.

The zero-g plane barfing was definitely an important moment to discuss.

Matthew: Yes, clearly, our topics of conversation for this summary need to be 1) Corinne, 2) who ‘s left, 3) the barfing in space date.

I was so sad to see Alexis go, but, honestly, she’s a shoo-in to show up again this summer on Bachelor in Paradise – when they take recent “losing” contestants from The Bachelor and Bachelorette, throw them all onto an island, and pretty much just tell them to go nuts. And that’s a way better outcome for her, because honestly, it’s a better version of the show and Nick kinda sucks. Especially if he’s REALLY so entertained by Corinne that she has made it to – and I cannot stress this enough – THE FINAL SIX.

If there’s anything Corinne-adjacent I’m happy about, it’s that Corinne’s privilege has not gone unnoticed by the other contestants, who are constantly complaining and floored by revelations like “Corinne has a nanny.” Because Corinne has a fucking nanny.

I honestly don’t remember who Josephine is.

Ariel: She was the one who ate the gross cold hotdog with Nick during her intro. It was the strangest thing ever!

Corinne has a nanny, but she also has real love for cheesy pasta, which is a universal and relatable feeling. She’s so complicated!

Matthew: (Ugh, I hate myself already for talking EVEN MORE about Corinne, but apparently she shared the “cheese pasta” on her Instagram and it’s just, like, noodles with shredded cheese on top. I would have confirmed this myself, but I have slightly more self-respect than checking Bachelor contestants’ Instagrams.)

Ariel: HAHAHAHHAHA. Here I thought she was bad at making a cheese sauce, but it’s like, “Oh, I’m bad at shredding cheese. Raquel does it better than me.”

Matthew: Nope. Corinne’s just living in her own world. It’s truly, truly something.

So, we’ve pretty much covered the basics with our summary of the season so far. Corinne is the worst. Alexis was hilarious. So, naturally, the producers have given Corinne all the screen time (for her to hilariously complain about her nanny and jump Nick) and gave Alexis like three minutes an episode to be actually funny. Oh, also, the bachelor is Nick. I guess he’s important too? He’s notable because he’s actually been on this show as a contestant three times before, twice as a “losing” Bachelorette contestant. At first it was like, “Hooray! Now he will ABSOLUTELY FIND LOVE OR DIE TRYING.” But by now it’s like, “…okay I’m starting to see that the problem is him.”

Do you agree? What’s your take on the bachelor himself?

Ariel: I didn’t see Nick during his first stint of The Bachelorette, but obviously found out about all the ~drama~ later. Basically, he and Andi slept together, and then when she didn’t choose him at the end, he was like, “WE DID FIANCE THINGS!” And was generally pretty awful to her? On Kaitlyn’s season, I hated him for the most part, but there were times I felt like there was an OK human there. However, I was like NICK BETTER NOT BE THE FUCKING BACHELOR. Then Bachelor in Paradise was like his redemption tour, and I didn’t mind he would be the Bachelor.

But you’re right, Nick is getting in the way of Nick all the time. And I thought maybe it was because he just wants to somehow get another show, but I don’t think it’s that. His tears were convincing.

Matthew: I’m largely in agreement here. I knew nothing about him until he showed up in Paradise last summer and thought he seemed alright, but I heard later on that he got a really good edit on that show to set him up as a likeable Bachelor. I DO think he really, really wants this to work out and just doesn’t want to be on this fucking show anymore… but it’s worth saying that actually going on this show is kind of a dumb way to go about actually doing that.

I didn’t see his first season with Andi, but I’m inclined to kinda sympathize that this show does make people very vulnerable? By the end when you get to the Fantasy Suites (the show’s not-subtle term for “ok you’re allowed to have sex now”), there’s still like three contestants left. It’s gotta be super weird to be in the contestant position at that point, where you know this person you’re infatuated with (or even love) is pretty likely gonna sleep with two other people that week and you’re contractually NOT allowed to do that yourself. That’s gotta be a huge mind fuck. Not that you shouldn’t always strive to be the bigger person, but this show is kinda designed to break people.

What’s worth pointing out is that once someone stops being a contestant and they actually become the Bachelor or Bachelorette, the show almost becomes LESS about them. You can’t root for the judge in the same way you root for the people playing the game. I weirdly feel like I know nothing about Nick. The way the season’s been edited, he DOES look like a kinda trashy fuck boy who’s excited about making out with the most sexually aggressive contestant all the time.

Ariel: Nick getting a good edit was a wise strategic move on their part. I’ve often wondered this season if the contestants are being prompted to be like, “I loved you on Paradise!” As more of a pat on the back for the editors/producers of the show than any real praise for Nick.

True, Nick is coming off really weirdly this season. I wonder if he knows that? He is always very concerned with how he’s coming across. I mean, in the first episode he was talking about how he’s watched himself on past seasons and identified certain behaviours and practicing not doing them. I liked he was honest about that, but also now am always wondering if he’s being sincere or just getting better at acting that way.

The thing is, this past episode he seemed miserable AF and it did not seem pretend at all.

Oh man, at one point you asked me who is left. We still need to address that because I think I actually remember all their names even though it’s boring city at the moment.

Matthew: He DID seem miserable as this last episode closed. I think for all the artifice of the show, it makes a lot of sense that he’s genuinely jaded and feeling directionless right now. He ended the last episode sending two people home when he was only required to send one, and they made it look like he was just DONE with being on the show.

That said, we are down to the final six. Ariel, I’m still totally lost. Who the hell are any of these people?

Ariel: I got you. So there’s ANOTHER Danielle. I think that’s her name. She is blonde and seems very nice and is a neonatal nurse, so she literally saves babies for her job. Pretty fucking nice!

Then there is Vanessa. She is a brunette. And I think French Canadian? She teaches kids with special needs, and there are a lot of moments that are staged but nice where she’s like, “Look my students totally made me this book without the producers telling them to, and we will sit here and look at it even though we’re both clearly uncomfortable, Nick.”

Vanessa also keeps promising she will give her rose back to Nick if he keeps Corinne on the show, but this is a bald-faced lie.

Then there is Rachel, beautiful sweet Rachel who I think Nick is genuinely swooning over, and is notably the only woman of color left. She reminds us as often as possible that she got the first impression rose. This is her only flaw, and it’s not even really a flaw, which says a lot. I would like to see Rachel win, but I would probably rather see her come second or third and be the next Bachelorette honestly. It’s time for a black woman to be the next bachelorette, okay?

Also, there’s Corinne. We’ve talked about her enough here.

We also have Raven who has a very cute southern accent. She seems nice! I don’t really remember anything else about her except she was forced to go on a date with Nick where she just watched his sister play soccer, and Nick’s dad asked dumb questions about her name. We could probably make “That’s soooo Raven” jokes about her if she did more attention-grabbing things. That would be cool.

Finally, there’s Kristina. I sadly think she was only kept on the show so she could finally tell Nick more about her tragic backstory while he was forced to over-think his reactions while being filmed. I can’t imagine how weird it must be to a) tell your horrific story on a televised competition about winning a man’s heart b) to listen to said story while being filmed. Like Nick looked kind of blank-faced the whole time and his comments were awkward, but I’m willing to cut him some slack because of the weird circumstances.

Kristina grew up in Russia and was an orphan and sometimes ate lipstick because she was so hungry, and then she was adopted into a family in America, but her sister is still back in Russia. It was terribly sad, but prior to this story I had no idea she was even on this show and thought Nick wasn’t very interested in her. Thus my theory that the producers insisted she stay on so she could have this moment.

Matthew: Oh my god, you remember these people so much better than I do. I legitimately have no idea who Danielle and Vanessa are. Which one threw up in zero gravity? (Sorry Danielle/Vanessa that this is the only thing I remember about you. I do not know if this is worse or better than the other one of you who I don’t remember ANYTHING about.)

I do like Kristina, Raven, and Rachel! AND I ACTUALLY REMEMBER THINGS ABOUT THEM. Rachel had an adorable one-on-one date with Nick in New Orleans and she’s the one that all my roommates and friends want to win. I’m not 100% there, mostly because I’m not sure ending up engaged to Nick is really “winning”. I actually would also seriously prefer her being the next Bachelorette. It’s no secret that this show has horrible issues with mostly casting white people. Especially after privileged-as-shit Corinne, the Bachelor franchise desperately needs better representation.

My friends seem to not really like Raven, but I think she’s kind of awesome? Although I mostly remember her for her take-no-shit story about discovering an ex was cheating on her. I dunno, it’s really cool when people on The Bachelor have, ya know, a spine?

KRISTINA BROKE AMERICA’S HEART LAST WEEK. She absolutely catapulted to frontrunner status after that date. I heard a lot about how Nick was kind of awkward when she told the story, but what else could someone do in that situation? She grew up in poverty, lived in an orphanage, legit didn’t have enough food to eat… there’s not much you can do much just listen when that’s going on. Nick made a joke in an interview about the date that she’d gone through so much by the time she was five and when he was that old he was just grumpy about kindergarten or something. I saw it as kind of touching that he was just so floored by her strength of character.

Some of the commentary I’ve seen has discussed that he might have sent so many people home this week because he wasn’t expecting to be so taken with Kristina and he was just sorta like, “shit, I gotta narrow the field and focus.” Although clearly he’s not focusing so much that he’s not still considering Corinne. Ugh. Corinne.

Ariel: I am kind of concerned that Kristina suddenly going to frontfronner status is because of her painful history. It feeds into the narrative that women have to be broken in order for someone to love them. I agree it obviously shows her strength of character too, but her history alone should not suddenly be what made Nick take notice of her? I felt like I could partially feel the producers manipulating the situation.

Do you remember their weird exchange earlier this season? Kristina is like, “I want to tell you my story.” And Nick awkward stops her and says she needs to wait until there’s time, and she’s very pointedly like, “That’s up to you.” But Nick kind of laughs awkwardly like actually it’s up to the producers to make time, not him.

And yeah, I agree, I heard so much about people being like UG NICK’S REACTION, but what a weird situation to be put in! I didn’t think he handled it all that terribly considering. And also he wasn’t like, “OMG UR SO FRAGILE LET ME PATRONIZE YOU.” I feel like an awkward joke/admiring her is a better reaction than other ones.

Oh yeah! Raven was pretty badass in her cheating story, but Nick’s reactions there were also really odd as he egged her on. It felt very staged like he had been coached to be like, ‘AND THEN WHAT DID YOU DO? Oh lol you beat them both with your heels lolol?’ Poor Raven, also. Ug. What a story.

Matthew: Ah, yeah, I didn’t word all of that as well as I could have. I could tell while I was writing it that I was making it sound a bit like her tragic backstory was WHY he could love her now, as opposed to how it just shows some traits about her. Admittedly, I still don’t think we really know her that well to really say what they all are. Producer manipulation is SO MUCH of this show, it’s super easy to see how they were creating that broken woman narrative you mentioned. The show does tons of gross things. I’m SUPER not looking forward to how it handles next week’s apparent “Corinne tries to cut to the chase and fuck Nick before they’re ‘allowed’ to do that” arc.

For me, this is kind of all part of whether the show works as so-bad-it’s-good entertainment, or whether it’s just bad, period, full stop. It kind of constantly wavers between those two points. I’m pretty much never watching this show thinking, “wow, what a love story”.

And part of that is because everyone is competing for this one person, but who THAT person is competing for is the viewer, if you think about it. Everyone on the show right now is gaga for Nick, but here you and I are just kinda side-eyeing him. His response to Raven’s story is a really good example of that. He does have some rather gross lines of questioning on these dates. He did a weird degree of digging into Raven’s story about her ex cheating on her. He had some uncomfortable questions for the bisexual candidate (no longer on the show) about her bisexuality.

And a lot of it is how you can TOTALLY see the producers’ hand throughout this show. Again, at its best, it’s just hilariously ham-handed (like when they tried desperately to make the “one of the contestants ALREADY MET NICK AND THEY HAD A ONE-NIGHT STAND” arc work that absolutely no one on the show wound up caring about). But when it’s bad… you’re just staring at the TV asking why.

Ariel: Oh man yes or, “What are the chances that TAYLOR and CORINNE who are ENEMIES are going on a two on one date????” I used to honestly fall for that shit. I would be like omg what ARE the chances, and now I’m like, “The strings are being pulled, man! It’s conspiracy.”

So it seems like we’ve done a fairly good recap of this season so far, who’s left, and you’ve even set up the preview for this week’s episode where Corinne is gonna try to sleep with Nick before the Bachelor-sex-approved-fantasy-suite week!

I am really curious what curve balls the producers try to throw to add some drama since, asides from Corinne, the rest of the contestants seem pretty undramatic.

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