Previously, Mia filmed her TV segment. Mason surprises his girlfriend/head of PR by announcing their engagement. Then everyone turns the tables on Mia to announce her engagement to Wes. I hope their ratings plummet.
Calendar Girl (November) Chapter 5:
“What are you doing here, and what the hell did you just do?” I scolded Wes while molding my body to his. Even mad, I couldn’t help wanting to plaster my body against his larger, much sexier muscled form. Yum.
Stay focussed, Mia!
He chuckled against my neck and placed a soft, warm kiss there. “Mia, relax. Mason told me about the plan for him to announce to the world that he was marrying the love of his life, and I thought…hell, I want to jump on that bandwagon too. No sense in it remaining a secret.”
But…it was Mia’s segment. It was still kind of weird that he was able to just jump onto that bandwagon.
I worried my lip and stared into his beautiful green eyes. “But, but, what about the blood-sucking paparazzi? They’ve been after you for weeks. Won’t this give them more ammunition to sling at you?” I frowned, nervous that Wes had made a whopping mistake. I could change it, by not airing the end of the show, even if it would put our ratings into the stratosphere.
I still find it so hard to believe that it would have this massively positive impact on their ratings, and Matthew beautifully captured the absurdity of this situation in his last post.
Wes insists that this is actually a good thing because now everyone will forget all about his kidnapping. Really? I’m with Mia, I think this would just fuel the existing media fire. They’re not going to suddenly forget the recent kidnapping because now Wes is engaged!
Wes announces they have an interview with People magazine. I can’t tell you how quickly I would skip over that page in the magazine. Although, Wes does say he’s going to use it as a platform to discuss PTSD, which is nice (but also supports my theory that this won’t really draw the media attention off of the kidnapping).
Mia robotically tells us how happy she is that he came home and how much better her life is. It feels empty, like Mia is being held at gunpoint to repeat these lines to us.
God, I didn’t know what I would have done if he hadn’t come home. I wouldn’t be where I was today without him, that’s for sure. I definitely wouldn’t be this happy. I was surprised every day by how much I loved my life and how my luck had changed exponentially from when I started this journey almost a full year ago.
“I have learned many things in this story. Life has happened. I love Wes. He is not forcing me to get married too quickly at all.”
Sometimes it felt so powerful I didn’t know what to do with it. But right then, in front of the crew, Mason and Rachel, and everyone else, I kissed my man for all he was worth. He growled into my mouth and dipped me over his leg. The applause throughout the room was deafening.
WHAT!! I thought they were in private, but apparently they’re just still on set and everyone’s been watching them this whole time. Wes is just straight up growling right now. Weird!
Anton gets involved:
“Damn, lucita, I’m late for the party! Is there a line I should stand in? You dolling out besos? If so, I’m next!”
Anton’s booming voice startled me enough that I broke the kiss and laughed into my man’s mouth. Wes scowled and then smiled, showing me he was getting past Anton’s incorrigible nature towards all women.
“Ha ha you just have to get used to how gross Anton is! He’s incorrigible!” Wes’ attitude has been historically driven by jealousy, but I think his attitude is just right at the moment.
Apparently Anton is two hours late, and he needs to go get ready for his segment.
Sighing, I shook my head. “Come on. Let’s get Kathy to mic you up so we can start your first segment.”
“So no beso then?” He pouted dreamily.
HOW DO YOU POUT DREAMILY, THOUGH?
Wes isn’t having any of this.
“Sorry, amigo, no offense. I love how protective you are of our Mia.”
Wes cringed. “You mean my Mia, Anton. You’re skating on thin ice with me as it is. Now, I’ve been cool with you, but seriously, you need to keep your shit in check if you don’t intend to start something.” Wes’s voice was cutting and abrasive. There was absolutely no reason for him to be so harsh.
It’s hard to decide whose side you’re on when you can’t stand anyone in the scene. I’m on the side of the camerawoman in the corner who probably just wants to go home and have a glass of wine and forget about these morons. I will call her Felicity. And I love her.
“Wes…really. Anton’s just messin’ around. Relax.” I went over to his side, and he tugged me closer. I kept forgetting that since his captivity he had this new jealousy trigger that I was not used to or particularly fond of.
I…still don’t follow this.
It positively irked me to no end that he suspected every Tom, Dick, and Harry in the near vicinity to be making a play for my attention, which really wasn’t the case. Not even close. Even last night, he’d gotten into it with the waiter at dinner because, according to Wes, the guy had sized up my chest. Surprise, surprise. I have huge knockers. Most men size up my breasts. I’m so used to it that I notice it more when a man doesn’t talk directly to my chest when he first meets me than when he does.
Wow this paragraph is so sad for Mia for so many reasons.
Anton gently apologises to Wes and said that Mia brings out his silly side, and Wes apologises.
Mia pulls Wes aside to a private room and tells him they need to have sex right now. Wes is as confused as I am because we both thought Mia was going to ream him out for being an “alpha asshole”. I have no idea why she’s so horned up now.
My man eyed me like I was a chocolate donut sitting next to his cup of coffee. “Christ, I’m marrying the perfect fucking woman.”
I’m also tired of this book really leaning into the thirteen-year-old boy dream woman fantasy. She wants motorcycles instead of rings and just needs to fuck you all the damn time. Also what is up with that super specific metaphor? Why is the donut specifically beside his cup of coffee? It’s also not specific enough. Is it his first cup of the day?
Wes sat down on the bench, and I whimpered at the sight of his dick so hard and ready. He leaned back, both hands on the flat leather edges of the bench to support his weight. “Straddle me. Take me to the root. All the way to the very end.”
Incredible! I think this is the first time in the history of the world someone has said, “Take me to the root” during sex. Calendar Girl, you’ve done it again.
“I want to watch you take what you need, sweetheart. Now move.” His voice was a low, throaty rumble that sent another zing of lust running through my system.
HOLY SHIT, YOU GUYS, ROBOT!MIA IS CANON!
Something inside me just lost it, and I started making animalistic noises like those from a hissing, angered cat.
I have just consulted my cat owner friends and can confirm their angry, hissing cats do not usually sound sexy.
In the peripheral edges of my mind, a banging sound registered, but I didn’t care, and apparently, neither did Wes, though I think he mumbled something.
[…]
“Gotta admit, that was a damn fine idea, but someone came to the door for us twice. Then I heard Anton unlock it and peek inside before slamming it tight, saying it was break time for another twenty minutes.” He chuckled against my sweaty neck.
Okay but like how did Anton have a key for this room?
Mia does not react to this info. She just wonders if her shirt is wrinkled. Robot!Mia needs a reboot.
“You make me crazy,” I said, after I’d gotten my breathing under control. “Stop surprising me with sexy gestures and alpha jealousy tendencies that make me want to jump you. One of us needs to be the adult in the situation.”
I’m so confused, I thought she hated this new jealous side of him. What the fuck, Mia?
“Shit. I’ve just been properly fucked, and I have to go film a segment. There are twenty people out there waiting. What the hell was I thinking?”
I don’t know, you were supposed to tell me that!
“Hottest fucking thing ever. I’m totally wearing this all the time,” he announced.
I, on the other hand, was fuming. “You didn’t have to fuck me all crazy, here of all places. Jeez, Louise. I could lose my job.”
“Mia, you started it, and you’re not going to lose your job,” he said as he threaded the belt back through the loops.
Oh my god! Pick a damn mood, Mia. I can’t follow the emotional logic here.
Wes assures Mia she won’t lose her job because he’s an award-winning director who is editing her segments.
“Come on. Let’s go smooth over the team. I’m thinking a round of beer and pizza after shooting.”
“That ought to do it!”
I was getting to know my crew, and they seemed like a bunch of sports loving, beer drinking, down to Earth folks who loved to eat pizza and shoot the shit with celebrities.
Seriously, I have no idea what’s going on anymore this chapter or what that last sentence means.
Next, it’s time for Anton’s segment. It’s full of riveting content as I’m sure you can imagine:
“I know you’ve been asked this before and refused to answer, but why the Latin Lov-ah? I mean really, come on, Anton. We’re among friends. Give us some dirt!”
He looked at the camera, gave a perfect pout that would make the female demographic of my show want to lick their TV screens, and responded. “I love women. All women. Shapes and sizes don’t matter. Of course, I’m of Latin descent. You put the two together, and perfecto, Latin Lov-ah.”
I can understand why he refused to share such a boring mysterious and sexy answer before now.
Anton thanks Mia for starring in his video and for being a good friend, and Mia gets emotional. She tells us how the camera is definitely going to zoom in on her while this happens. SERIOUSLY WHY ARE PEOPLE WATCHING THIS SHOW?
There is no fucking way any celebrity named “Latin Lov-ah” would ever actually be famous enough outside of ridicule that women wanted to have sex with him. Cannot suspend disbelief.
THIS is where we draw the line.
“I love women. All women. Shapes and sizes don’t matter. Of course, I’m of Latin descent.”
I’m latina, my entire family is latino and nobody here act like that wtf. It’s like who wrote these books think latinos are okay with sexual assault, we’re not like that!
Right?????
I’m laughing and internally screaming at the same time. It’s just so embarrassing to read, I can’t.
There was so much mess on this chapter, so I’ll just focus on a tiny detail: as a non-native English speaker, I need to know if “I worried my lip” is a normal expression. Because I’ve only seen it on the books you read here, and in fanfiction, so I can’t really take it seriously.
It IS a normal expression! But good point, I’m not sure how widely used it is outside of fanfic/shitty books based off of fanfic.
“It’s hard to decide whose side you’re on when you can’t stand anyone in the scene.”
That should be the tagline of this website. It’s how I feel about every book we discuss.
You know, I’m going along reading your recaps, coasting on a sea of baseline badness, and then BAM! Carlan throws in some out-of-the-ordinary weirdness, like a badly-hidden voyeurism kink in the form of Anton walking in on them having sex. And how on earth did Wes hear Anton “peek inside”? And how did Mia NOT hear any of this?! Is she like a T-rex that hunts by motion?
All of her robot processing power was devoted to sounding like an angry cat and humping her man, is my guess.
It takes a lot of work to run all those clitoral sensors, you know
Not to be annoying, but as a connoisseur of fanfiction I’ve read the sentence “take me to the root” too many times to count. Carlan will have to try harder than that to be gross and yet original at the same time. For now this is just your everyday blah gross.
Dammmn I thought I read enough fanfiction that I would have picked up on that!! I’ve read version of that in the narration, and I actually don’t really mind it there. It was just I’d never read a character saying it before and I’m still cringing.