Calendar Girl (November) Chapter 8: A Thanksgiving Miracle

Previously, Mia and Wes went to her long-lost brother Max’s home for Thanksgiving, and she also fucked Wes in the woods or something.

Calendar Girl (November): Chapter 8

Wes continues to do totally normal things, like announce major life decisions to his fiancé instead of discussing them with her, right after fucking her in her brother’s woods.

“I’m going to buy this property from your brother. We’ll find that house, renovate it, or demolish it and build whatever you want brand new,” Wes said completely off topic.

Mia takes a minute to register what he said because she really wants the reader to remember she just had sex.

My mind was nowhere near land purchases and house renovation. It was still back in utter bliss, wedged up against a tree being pounded by the man I loved.

Like… really wants us to know.

“Excuse me if I don’t follow after you just fucked me up against a tree not more than ten minutes ago. Say what?”

LIKE, REALLY REALLY NEEDS US TO KNOW SHE JUST HAD SEX.

Maybe I’d get lucky and there wouldn’t be any physical marks, just the soreness to remind me of our tree romp.

MIA, DO YOU WANT A MEDAL OR SOMETHING?

Mia points out that she and Wes already have a home in Malibu. Wes points out that they have money.

“True. But we have money.”

You see what I mean.

“Lots of it. More than we’re ever going to need. And with your career on the path it’s on, you’ll want a place that you can escape to when California becomes too much.”

Calendar Girl‘s weird boner for America makes more sense when you pause to remember that Mia’s story started with her being forced into sex work due to her financial situation, but then she gets immense wealth thrown at her and not one thought is ever spared to maybe doing charity work with that money. And one of these books was even about organizing a charity auction so people with unimaginable gobs of money could do some good for less fortunate people with it. Too bad this story stops in December. I bet by next April we’d have gotten an entire book about Mia complaining about her taxes.

They keep talking about this, and Wes points out that Mia’s sister Maddy is moving out here when she’s done with undergrad. Mia clarifies that Maddy and her fiancé and his entire family is moving out here, which is a terrifying detail I somehow totally forgot was part of this story.

“Max is going to set her up to go to school here for her master’s and doctorate so she can start work at Cunningham Oil in the meantime. Matt’s and his family are going to come out, too.”
Wes’s face lit up. […] “It’s perfect. They can live on that other side. Matt said he and his family are into farming. They can farm both our land and theirs. Of course, we’ll partner in that”

This whole scenario sounds less like an erotic romance novel and more like the first two minutes of one of my true crime podcasts. If December ends with every character in this series taking part in a mass suicide, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Anyway, Mia’s response to all of this is to jump into Wes’s arms and kiss him all over while repeatedly saying, “I love you”. We then skip ahead to a scene where Wes calls his mother to discuss wedding details, which you might recall he’s pressured her into having two months from now. I wonder if Mia had any friends other than Gin; they’re probably really worried about her.

“Mom says you have to pick two colors so she knows what type decorations to buy.”
“Whatever she wants is fine,” I said, not really concerned.
“Ma, no. Mia’s just not girly in that way. I mean…” His eyes ran up and down my body. “She is definitely all woman”

What a normal thing for a man to say to his mom.

I guess I have to let you know that Calendar Girl is at least a little aware of some of Wes’s problems as a love interests, reminding us that “there were still facets that he needed to work through. His newfound jealousy for one, and two, his absolute need to set his future up right now.” But I’m not convinced this is anything but lip service because look AT how clearly not-troubled Mia is with his creepy, possessive shit:

“No. Talking to my mom about planning a wedding when neither one of us really cares about anything other than the I do part. You owe me.” […]
“Mmm. And how shall I pay up?” I curled a lock of his hair around a finger.
“Be my sex slave for the rest of your natural life,” he quipped instantly.
I grinned. […]
“I want you for life.”
“I think that’s doable.”

And then the dialogue somehow goes more to shit and I’m a little worried Carlan had a stroke while writing this one.

“No, you’re doable.”
I laughed. “That joke again!”
He snickered and spread a bunch of kisses up my neck. “It’s an oldie but goodie.”
“You mean like a hand job?”
His face came up from where he was nuzzling. “What a perfect analogy. A hand job is also an oldie but goodie.”

We skip ahead again to Thanksgiving dinner.

Cyndi and Max had outdone themselves.

I’m gonna skip the next three pages describing all the food that’s there if that’s cool with everyone.

There’s an almost-touching moment where Mia and Maddy casually drop a genuine “Does everyone eat like this on Thanksgiving?”, which makes Max, Cyndi, and Wes all stop in their tracks as they have to consider how destitute Mia and Maddy’s lives were until very recently. Which suddenly reminds Calendar Girl, oh shit, don’t we have a dad in a coma somewhere?

The first real Thanksgiving that I could ever remember.
Only problem, I missed Pops.

Have you missed him, though? Whenever Mia’s like “I miss my dad” once every other book, it sounds more like Audrey Carlan being like “I just remembered there’s a dad in this story.” Geez, how is it that every time Mia mentions having feelings about her dad, it somehow takes me out of the story?

He’d love sitting at a big table filled with family.

…would he? Genuinely asking. All we’ve ever heard about him kind of suggests this wouldn’t exactly be his element.

I recalled many a Thanksgiving where he’d make fried chicken or he’d pick it up from Kentucky Fried Chicken on one of the days that he wasn’t completely drunk and missed the holiday all together.

This isn’t helping.

Mia’s cell phone goes off and, hey, great timing with that whole suddenly remembering your dad exists thing:

“He’s awake. Pops is awake and asking for us.”

What good timing!