Previously, Mia and Wes went to Aspen to prepare to film a segment about a mysterious new client who is totally not Mia’s mom’s new man. Also, probably unrelated, Mia thinks she saw her mom in town.
Also, in case you didn’t read the title of today’s post or something, you should probably note that today’s post may be best enjoyed while not at the office.
Calendar Girl (December): Chapter 3
The chapter starts off innocuously enough with Mia and Wes in bed, with Wes stirring from a bad dream, and with a reminder that true love is less about finding someone who shares your interests and more about finding an empath with magic powers.
I reached over, touching his chest with the palm of my hand. Instantly, he calmed. At a single touch. That’s how strong our connection was.
This does not last.
Moving the bedspread back, I found his cock semi-hard. My mouth watered.
Reader, I need you to understand right now just how much of this chapter is Mia telling us how amazing Wes’s penis is.
That cock was mine.
You might think you understand, just because you read the words “a lot of this chapter is about Wes’s penis”, that a lot of this chapter is about Wes’s penis. But I ask you, you need to stop and consider what it means that this is when I’m saying Calendar Girl has hit peak penis.
I straddled Wes’s body and got low. I put my face directly over his bare cock and inhaled. His musky male scent hit my senses
Like, it’s one thing to read me saying “gosh, this chapter is just all about cocks!”, but take a second to picture Calendar Girl as a human person, having a shallow, stupid, but unintentionally humorous conversation with you, and, sure, they bring up sex quite frequently, but then all of a sudden, to the tune of LMFAO’s “Shots”, they just start shouting “COCKS. COCKS. COCKS.COCKS.COCKS.COCKS.”
he groaned, his length hardening before my eyes. It was magnificent to watch the magic of the male body. […] As I watched Wes harden, I was fascinated at the beauty before me.
WE’VE HIT BEAUTIFUL PENIS.
In the past, I’d never considered a penis to be beautiful, but Wes’s was.
Next time you’re struggling through a series you’ve stopped enjoying but you feel the need to be a completionist and just have to know how it ends, remember this time where I read the twelve-book Calendar Girl series for a year and a half, got to the last book, and had to write a recap of the time Mia told us that all penises are amazing but Wes’s is especially amazing.
Sometimes, men took a while to work up. Not Wes.
As you’ve probably surmised by now, Mia is going down on Wes while he’s asleep, which is somehow nowhere near as shocking as Mia feeling the need to reassure us, “hey, guys, this is gonna sound crazy, but Wes likes it when I put his dick in my mouth.”
Awake or not, my man loved my mouth on him,
The rest of the sentence is wilder.
and I wanted it more than I wanted my next breath.
“Ok, but what’s bad about this, though?” I mean, Mia’s goofy sexual enthusiasm for her partner isn’t great literature, but neither is it a problem; the issue is when it delves into the all-too-common “love means OWNERSHIP” message that is such a deeply embedded issue in our society that we talk about how much it brings down basically every romance we read on this blog.
All mine. There would never be another woman touching, sucking, or fucking that appendage but me. I owned it. And in turn, he owned me and everything that came with me.
Ariel hit the nail on the head in – sure enough – the last romance novel we wrapped up on this blog, joking that “It cracks me up that people in these books seem to think that you can’t leave someone if you’re married.” It’s fucking heartbreaking that love in these books isn’t “we get to share this with each other”, but instead boils down to “and now no one else can”.
“Nothing’s going to stop me from making you mine forever. In a couple weeks, you’ll be mine legally, but that doesn’t change that you’re already mine in here.” He pointed to his heart.
THE HEART: THE HIGHEST COURT IN THE LAND.
Anyway, they go down on each other and Mia does not do a good job convincing us she’s having a good time.
My body went off like a rocket, jerking and spasming in orgasm. I felt like a fish on a hook.
I feel like fish might take issue with the comparison. Mia then jumps forward and gets her reverse cowgirl on. Wes doesn’t do a good job convincing us he’s having a good time either.
“Oh, your pussy is like the sweetest death grip,” he said
WHY DOES SEX SOUND LIKE AN EXCRUCIATING NIGHTMARE IN THESE BOOKS? They have ONE JOB.
During their after-sex pillow talk, Mia wonders if the sex will always be this good, because it just doesn’t seem possible (or because she didn’t read how either of them just described it). Wes says something that’s probably fairly sweet, but to be honest I didn’t read a word of it because my Kindle helpfully told me that exactly 69 people highlighted it.
Mia and Wes talk about their future. Wes is very confident that Mia’s career is about to blow up and that her boss’s at the TV network will fight very hard to make sure she doesn’t leave for other enticing offers. On the flip side, Wes isn’t sure what he wants to do next, since he’s still dealing with PTSD from how his last movie resulted in terrorists kidnapping him and murdering a bunch of the crew working on it. Yes, this is the same book series. There’s a lot going on.
Mia suggests finishing the movie and donating all the proceeds to the families of everyone who died, setting up a charity, etc, and Wes realizes that this is a good, respectful way forward with the movie, but after that he might just want to return to writing.
“I have some ideas. Completely away from war and strife.”
I lay back down and tucked my head under his chin. “Yeah? Like what?”
“The story is about a girl.”
Oh Christ, this is all going to end with Mia’s life being turned into a movie, isn’t it?
“What kind of girl?”
“A beautiful one. Body that men dream of.”
Oh Christ, this is all going to end with Mia’s life being turned into a movie that won’t even pass the Bechdel Test, isn’t it?
“She takes a job as an escort.” I grinned.
“Oh, and what happens next?”
“She dates a bunch of men,” he said harshly, clearly not liking this part of his story.
I love how the lip service to Mia’s agency vis a vis sexual choice in Calendar Girl is so bad that this whole series is ending with a man literally writing a movie about her life that only gives lip service to her agency vis a vis sexual choice.
“she had a gift.”
“What kind of gift?” I asked, curious now.
“Well, the gift is not a physical thing, per se. It’s the gift of her love. If one of the men she dates is given this gift, he’ll be happy for the rest of his days. […] She gives a small amount of her gift to everyone she cares for, and they all fall a little in love with her.”
I snorted into his chin. “But what about her one true love? How can she love at first sight if she gives away bits of herself to everyone?”
SERIOUSLY, LOVE IS ALL ABOUT OWNERSHIP WITH THESE FUCKING PEOPLE. How fucking weird is it that Mia’s fiancé is describing a story inspired by her life to her, and her biggest issue with his interpretation of her life is that she’s not convinced she’s enough for him?
The chapter ends with Mia wrapping up her feedback by saying the opposite of what she just said.
“The concept that all of us have a finite amount of love to dole out is an intriguing one, but I don’t think it works that way. I believe love grows and continues to do so with each person you give it to. Like planting a seed. The more you water it and feed it, the more likely it will turn into a beautiful tree.” […]
“Then perhaps I shall call the story The Tree of Love.”
STOP MAKING EVERYTHING ABOUT WES’S PENIS, BOOK.
I wrote this summary of this sex scene chapter in a coffeeshop, which is a good time to mention that you can now buy us coffee on Ko-Fi to help support both BBGT and me making terrible decisions such as this one.
THE HEART: THE HIGHEST COURT IN THE LAND. <– let’s hope Feyre isn’t going to be the High Lady Faerie thingy of this one
“WE’VE HIT BEAUTIFUL PENIS.”
Waitaminute. Isn’t that the next Maddox Bros title?
All I can think of is that South Park episode where Mr Garrison writes an erotic novel which has the word penis in it about 50,000 times.
God I really need to stop reading thesee posts in the park because everyone stares when I loudly snort with laughter
““She dates a bunch of men,” he said harshly, clearly not liking this part of his story.”
G-d forbid Wes talk about how Mia is his ~true love~ without taking time out to shit on her for doing her literal job which he himself at one point hired her to do and he sure didn’t have a fucking problem with it then! Also, you know, having ever dated other people is an affront to your current partner and everyone should just get engaged to a controlling rich creep in high school* like Mia’s sister did. I know I say the same thing on every Calendar Girl post but like, seriously.
*Unless I’m remembering wrong and she’s in college, in which case my opinion of it is exactly the same but, you know, accuracy
Like…he didn’t even say “she sleeps with a bunch of men.” Just “dates.” I guess it’s meant to sound less creepy than him punishing her for doing her job but it ends up sounding more unhinged–like he’s mad that she worked for the gay guy and the older guy that she didn’t even have sex with.
I guess to be fair, her job description was dating the clients, not strictly sleeping with them (because Calendar Girl is a sanitized sex work fantasy where sex is still a choice so therefore agency???) Plus, he was sleeping around too. I think it makes more sense that he’s more hung up on the dating than the sex, both because they struggled with balancing their feelings for each other but also other people (relatable!) and because he didn’t get why she kept working when he had enough money to solve her problems (uh, much less reasonable)
Their level of possessiveness is scary