Previously, Alessia and The Mister met! There was instant attraction, and Maxim was inspired to PIANO!
The Mister Chapter 5 Summary:
Alessia can’t stop thinking about how sexy The Mister is. This is in stark contrast to my experience of not being able to stop thinking about how unsexy The Mister is.
Like now when Maxim startles her by showing up to just say hi (which is kind of cute, I’ll admit.)
I understand why James is avoiding writing Alessia’s POV in the first person, and I think that was a smart move, but why not also write Maxim’s point of view in third person? The switch between first and third–especially when it’s done in the same chapter–isn’t working. Also, we still get some inner thoughts from Alessia that mostly consist of her catchphrase “Zot!”
She peeks up at him but doesn’t understand what he wants. His smile isn’t as broad this time, and his brow is furrowed.
‘Hi,’ she says, uncertain what’s expected of her.
He nods and shuffles from one foot to the other, hesitant.
James, E L. The Mister (p. 63). Random House. Kindle Edition.
It’s sweet, but it feels totally unearned. I’m not buying that Maxim’s playboy characterization flies out the window after seeing Alessia one time.
We abruptly shift into Maxim’s first person POV. He beats himself up over his whole ‘hi’ thing. Buddy, chill. This is like most bearable you’ve been so far.
Maxim freaks out for the next few pages over the bad weather and how Alessia had to walk through it. Bro, this is London, she better get used to that. This leads to him wondering where she lives, whether she’s just nervous around him or all men. You know, totally normal things to be thinking about a woman you’ve basically just said ‘hi’ to one time.
The fact is, she’s inspired me. The whole weekend I’ve immersed myself in my music.
I have three pieces completed, sketchy ideas for two more, and I’m tempted to put lyrics to one of them. [Author’s note: Oh my god PLEASE DO THIS! Then Matthew can record it like he did for that one Reflect in You song!!]
James, E L. The Mister (p. 63). Random House. Kindle Edition.
BUT LIKE HOW WAS HE SO INSPIRED BY THEIR TOTAL NON INTERACTION? PLEASE TELL ME THE SECRETS!!!
What I don’t understand is why she’s affected me like this when we’ve only exchanged a few words. It doesn’t make sense to me, but I don’t want to overthink it.
James, E L. The Mister (p. 64). Random House. Kindle Edition.
You bastard. THIS is the one thing you’re not going to over-think? How dare you.
Things proceed to get creepier or sexier depending on your perspective as a reader.
I regard her retreating figure in the shapeless housecoat: long pale legs, a gentle sway of slim hips … are those bright pink pants I can see through the nylon? From beneath the headscarf a rich brunette plait snakes down her back to just above the line of her pink underwear, and it swings from side to side as she walks. I know I should look away, but I’m distracted by her underwear. They cover her backside and come up to her waist. They are possibly the largest knickers I’ve seen on a woman. And my body stirs like I’m a thirteen-year-old boy.
Fuck! I groan inwardly, feeling like a pervert, and resist the urge to follow her.
James, E L. The Mister (p. 64). Random House. Kindle Edition.
I am really just Not Getting This. Later on, Maxim talks about how Alessia is like no other woman he’s met (which, seriously, what? Why? How?) because she’s not as bold and confident as the other women he’s met. Read: she’s not slutty and aggressive like the women Maxim seeks out every Let’s Fuck Thursday. But this isn’t actually a romantic way to be drawn to someone. It’s steeped in misogyny and all kinds of icky stereotypes about women on both ends of the ‘bold’ spectrum. Alessia shyly thanking Maxim for offering her an umbrella before she leaves his flat is not indicative of her as an entire person, and it also isn’t some shining beacon of femininity. I’m not saying people can’t have preferences for the kind of personality’s they’re drawn too, I’m just saying it feels really fucked up for him to come to all these conclusions about Alessia and make sweeping comparisons about her against other women after they have exchanged like FIVE WORDS.
Maxim isn’t the only one who can’t stop thinking about the other for no apparent reason, though. Alessia seems equally drawn to him for…reasons, and she’s excited to see there are no condoms in his trashcan today. Dream bigger, Alessia, please.
She really begins swooning when she catches Maxim playing the piano.
She’s captivated.
By him.
By the music.
He’s talented.
James, E L. The Mister (pp. 67-68). Random House. Kindle Edition.
Truly stunning writing. I can practically feel Alessia’s excitement bleeding through the pages of my Kindle.
After this, the tables are turned when Alessia cleans the piano and the rest of the living room and Maxim pops a boner over it.
Could this be any more illicit? She’s so close but so unattainable.
James, E L. The Mister (p. 69). Random House. Kindle Edition.
Pro writing tip: if your character needs to think like Chandler Bing in order for you to convey how sexy something is meant to be…it’s not as sexy as you want it to be.
Oh, God!
With a deliberate and even pace, she works her way around the piano, buffing and polishing, her breathing becoming faster and harder with the exertion. It’s agonising. I close my eyes and imagine how I could elicit the same response from her.
Shit. I cross my legs to hide my body’s natural reaction. This is getting farcical. She’s just cleaning my fucking piano.
James, E L. The Mister (p. 69). Random House. Kindle Edition.
It IS getting farcical, thank you, Maxim.
Alessia hopes/suspects Maxim may be watching her, but no, it can’t be!
She must stop thinking about him and concentrate on cleaning! [Note: honestly, for a second I thought I’d written this line as a joke.] She finishes dusting the piano, though she can’t shake the uncanny feeling that he’d been watching her while she cleaned.
No. That’s impossible.
James, E L. The Mister (p. 70). Random House. Kindle Edition.
Or WaS iT?!?!?!
Alessia’s inner mother replaces Ana’s Inner Goddess.
In her mind she hears her mother’s voice scolding her in that tone she has: Alessia! What are you doing?
I am looking at a man, Mama.
A man I find attractive.
A man who makes my blood run hotter.
She imagines her mother’s scandalised expression, and it makes her smile.
Oh, Mama, it’s so different here in England. Men. Women. How they behave. Their interaction.
Alessia’s mind goes to a darker place. To him.
James, E L. The Mister (p. 71). Random House. Kindle Edition.
I need to tread carefully here. I think Alessia sounds like an idiot, and I want to make it clear it’s because of James’ weird way of writing dramatic thoughts and not because of Alessia’s clearly sheltered background/the fact that English isn’t her first language (and yet the only evidence of this so far has been her “zot!”)
Other stray tidbits of info from this VERY LONG chapter.
- Maxim does business things. There is a lot of detail about this. Blech.
- Caroline is not pregnant with Kit’s baby. She tries to fuck Maxim again, but he refuses because of Alessia (??????). Caroline immediately picks up on the fact that Maxim has met someone because she’s psychic or something.
- Alessia and Maxim continue to think obsessively about one another despite any fucking reason for this. There is also angsty Thame staring as per usual.
“Why is this woman shy around me, her wealthy employer who holds her livelihood in my hands and is also acting intensely strange toward her, up to and including getting visibly aroused watching her do household chores while I stare at her like a creeper? She must be like this around all men, obviously.”
A+ deduction skills, Sherlock.
“She’s so close but so unattainable” this is so creepy SOMEONE CALL THE POLICE
It’s obvious by now, isn’t it, that E.L. James’ heroes are stand-ins for herself and her fantasy of controlling and being worshipped by a timid, inexperienced creature. I’m not even sure she’s really interested in sex.
We need a BBGT “Zot” t-shirt, now.