The Mister Review, Chapter 9: HOW DO I GET YOU ALONEEEEEE??

Previously on The Mister Alessia and Maxim kiss, but THEN two mysterious men show up looking for Alessia.

The Mister Chapter 9:

Alessia hides outside and panics because she recognizes these men. So it turns out these guys likely have nothing to do with immigration, but with the mysterious man from Alessia’s past who she’s terrified of. It looks like these two men are goons! And you know we love some good goons in our stories.

Alessia peeps into Maxim’s apartment and sees that he’s okay, so she then heads home to make sure Magda and Michal are okay.

We shift to Maxim’s point of view where he’s already figured out these men aren’t from immigration and he worries about where Alessia has gone. He decides he must race to her house so he can check on her. But first a heart-racing, jaw-dropping bit of tension:

When I reach the garage, I press the electronic key, expecting the Discovery to open, but instead the Jag beeps to life.

Shit. In my haste I’ve picked up the wrong key.

Fuck it.

I don’t have time to go back upstairs for the correct key.

James, E L. The Mister (Kindle Locations 2288-2290). Random House. Kindle Edition.

SO HE DRIVES THE JAG!!! God the things people will do for love.

Back with Alessia, she frets for a bit about the goods but then more importantly daydreams about kissing Maxim. As you do when you’re completely out of your mind with terror. But she then decides nothing more can happen between them because she’s brought too much trouble to his door step.

She has brought such terrible danger to his home. She has to protect him.

Zot! My job!

She will be out of a job. Nobody wants trouble coming to their front door and criminals like Dante threatening them.

James, E L. The Mister (Kindle Locations 2310-2312). Random House. Kindle Edition.

She’s clearly never read an E.L. James book before. Maxim will hire her full time as his live-in cleaner and surround them with a 24/7 security detail. He’ll be more than happy to ban Alessia from leaving the premises because of DANGER.

God this chapter is dragging on. The whole next section is Maxim realising Alessia isn’t home yet because she’ll be coming by train. He races to the station and…waits for her. And tells us about train arrival times. My commute is more interesting than this.

Alessia bursts into tears when she sees Maxim waiting for her at the station, which I do actually find quite sweet. But then.

Her anguish rips through me.

‘Oh, baby,’ I whisper, and open my arms.

James, E L. The Mister (Kindle Location 2354). Random House. Kindle Edition.

CUT THAT OUT RIGHT NOW. You have had like one conversation and kissed one time. No.

There’s no sight of Magda or Michal back at the house so Alessia fixes some hot drinks for herself and Maxim. Alessia doesn’t even comment on Magda and Michal not being there? She just instantly offers Maxim coffee??

Maxim tries to get Alessia to tell him what’s going on, and he is able to confirm she’s not in the country legally. He assures her that he won’t tell the police anything. She is about to have the full protection of a mediocre rich white man, which is invaluable.

‘The man who came to your apartment, his name is Dante.’ Her voice is a pained whisper. ‘He brought me and some other girls from Albania to England.’ She looks down at her mug of tea.

[…]

‘Human trafficking?’ I whisper, and I watch her reaction. She nods once, her eyes tightly closed.

‘For sex.’ Her words are barely audible, but in them I hear her shame and her horror.

James, E L. The Mister (Kindle Locations 2387-2389). Random House. Kindle Edition.

Maxim puts two and two together about Alessia’s fear of men (even though I still think that is QUITE the conclusion for him to have jumped to before given he was purely basing this off of her own nerves around him…her creepy employer.)

Of course this revelation is just an excuse for Maxim to display his alpha temper. He’s furious like he’s never been furious before! He’s growling when he speaks!

Before Maxim can find out how Alessia escaped, Magda returns home. Apparently the goons found Alessia because of a selfie Michal posted of the two of them! Fucking Facebook!!! I bet they recommended Michal’s account to the goons through the witchcraft that is data science.

Magda continues, ‘They said they knew where Michal went to school. They knew all about him. All his personal information is on his Facebook page.’ She takes a long drag of her cigarette, her hand trembling.

James, E L. The Mister (Kindle Locations 2413-2415). Random House. Kindle Edition.

Is this whole section just totally dragging Facebook? It’s hilarious. An amazing PSA about privacy settings from The Mister.

Magda and Alessia insist that the police cannot be involved, and Maxim experiences his first situation in which people do not trust the police, which is actually an astute piece of social commentary.

Magda reveals that in two weeks she and Michal are emigrating to Canada, which means that Alessia is going to have to find somewhere new to live. Hmmm I wonder where that will be. You know it’s not an E.L. James romance if the leads haven’t moved in together after two conversations.

And as I contemplate my options, I realise I don’t want to let her out of my sight.

Ever.

James, E L. The Mister (Kindle Locations 2442-2443). Random House. Kindle Edition.

Those goons aren’t looking so scary now.

He offers to help Alessia and Magda, and Magda is like, ‘But why?’

‘Why are you doing this?’ she asks, bewildered. I clear my throat and wonder why myself.

Because it’s the right thing to do?

No. I’m not that altruistic. Because I want to be alone with Alessia? Yes. That’s the real reason.

James, E L. The Mister (Kindle Locations 2452-2453). Random House. Kindle Edition.

Yay…honesty…I guess.

I shit you not, Maxim’s answer is that Alessia is a valued employee. Magda rightfully and hilariously “eyes [him] with suspicion.”

Magda doesn’t want to leave her house, so of course Maxim sets up 24/7 security detail. A staple in any good rich people romance!

Maxim whisks Alessia off to one of his many fancy (and isolated) properties. This sounds like such a good setup for a horror story, honestly.

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5 comments

  1. Pip Reply

    Jesus Christ EL James, you are NOT about to involve sex trafficking in your trashy, offensive romance. Much as I love you guys, I might genuinely stop reading the novel if this sex trafficking plot line becomes more and more central.

  2. Xena Reply

    EL James being like “this woman suffered a lot in the hands of creepy men so let’s make her feel in love for other creepy man”. It’s like when Christian Grey wanted to “protect” Ana from the creepy guys when himself is a creepy guy

    • emilybarnard Reply

      Silly, the rich white men can’t be creepy! They’re just sooooo protective and romantic, and it’s what all women want!

  3. callmeIndigo Reply

    As the loyal readers of E.L. James know, it’s totally okay to take advantage of someone’s housing emergency to coerce them into spending more time with you, as long as you’re self-aware about it.

    If you hear a weird sound off in the distance, don’t worry, it’s just me screaming.

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