A summary of the previous scene:
Lisa: I don’t love my fiance and I don’t know what to do.
Lisa’s Mom: You should love him. I have to leave now.
Amazingly, that hasn’t proved very helpful for Lisa, who begins this next scene by calling up our other leading man, Mark. But the most important and/or baffling thing to note about this scene is that in Johnny and Lisa’s apartment, they have framed pictures of spoons.
You know how when you go to midnight showing of The Rocky Horror Picture Show, the audience will throw toilet paper when someone shouts “Great Scott!” or toast when Rocky says “A toast”? Well, when you go to a midnight showing of The Room, the audience throws spoons.
Yes, this movie will only make less sense as it goes on. Anyway, Lisa is calling Mark. (Fun fact, Tommy Wiseau named the character after Matt Damon. He got the name wrong.)
Lisa: Hey, baby. How are you doing?
Mark: Oh, hey… how are you doing? I’m very busy. What’s going on?
Lisa: I just finished talking to my mom. She gave me this big lecture about Johnny.
Mark: Look, we’ll talk about it later. I told you I’m very busy.
Now, based on how Lisa calls Mark “baby” and how he reacts to it fairly nonplussed, you would think they’ve been already been having an affair. Or at least that they’d be on the same page about what they’re doing. But they’re not. Lisa asks Mark to come over (because “he owes her one”, although what he owes her for or why a visit from a friend is something you need to call in a favor for are not explained), Lisa immediately begins slowly caressing Mark on his arm and his cheek, and he has absolutely no idea that Lisa is trying to seduce him.
But wait it gets better. You might notice there are no candles or music in this scene. (It is also debatable that there is no sexy dress.) What does happen during this scene – Lisa keeps caressing Mark, Lisa pours Mark wine (which also sounds notably more like someone urinating than someone pouring wine, in case you’re interesting in knowing this) – doesn’t make the cut for Mark’s list of Lisa’s efforts to seduce him. Just exclusively things that haven’t happened.
Is it also worth noting Greg Sestero’s face, which he has made during the entire scene thus far.
It’s kind of impressive how not once during this whole scene does Mark seem to have any idea what’s going on or where he even is. Which I guess makes sense since the viewer doesn’t know either.
Lisa sloooooowly leans in closer to Mark and tells him what’s going on here.
Lisa: I like you… very much… lover… boy…
So her pet name for Mark is “lover boy”. No wonder she paused so much saying this line. That had to be a real struggle.
Mark still has no idea what’s going on.
Mark: What are you doing this for?
It is impossible to tell if they’ve already been having an affair, if Lisa is trying to start an affair, or if Mark even knows where he is.
Lisa: What’s the matter? Don’t you like me? I’m your girl(?)
It’s really hard to tell if that last one is supposed to end with a question mark or a period, because even Juliette Danielle has no idea if her character is already having this affair or not.
Mark regains his composure (or… something) and removes Lisa’s hand from his cheek, and puts his foot down.
Mark: Johnny’s my best friend.
If you missed it, don’t worry. That line is the most-repeated line in the movie. (Take note if you’re looking for a drinking game for this movie. That’s a good one!) Mark reminds Lisa that she’s going to be married to Johnny in a month. Lisa isn’t interested, grabs Mark’s face, and tells him to forget Johnny.
Mark remains resolute. Or still doesn’t know what’s going on.
Mark gets up to leave and Lisa gets desperate.
Lisa: Please don’t leave. Please don’t leave. I need you.
Lisa: I love you.
Wow, also apparently she’s in love with him too! That was fast!
Lisa: I don’t wanna get married anymore.
Probably a given by this point.
Lisa: I don’t love Johnny. I dream about you.
But can we make this just a little weirder sounding?
Lisa: I need you to make love to me.
Yeah, there we go!
Mark: I don’t think so. Everything’s gonna be fine! I promise!
Which is, naturally, the last thing either of them say before they start making out.
Remember how I said there were four sex scenes in the movie, and the first three are almost the first three scenes of the movie? Well, next week, we see Lisa and Mark move things to the bedroom. Or do they?