Are you sick of hearing about shit like Gamergate or Bendgate? Well, I have a new article up over at Abstract Magazine about Gategate, so now you don’t have to care anymore! It’s called “Gaters Gonna Gate“, which is probably the best headline I’ll ever write in my life, if that sweetens the deal for you. [Ariel says: I’m still allowed to sarcastically refer to things as insert-topic-gate, though, right? Cause now that you mention it, it’s definitely baby-gate over at Entwined in You.]
Previously in Pamela, the Master gave Pamela a list of rules for how she has to act in a relationship with him and we had to read it a bunch of times. So it was basically the contract in Fifty Shades of Grey. [Ariel says: Does this mean it will be discussed at length only to never actually be used or mentioned ever again?]
“If your ladyship knew all, you would pity me, for never poor creature was so hard put to it. But I ought to forget it all now, and be thankful.” […]
“Tell me truly,” said [Lady Davers], “Did you not love him all the time?”
“I had always, madam,” answered I, “a great reverence for my master, and thought all his good actions doubly good and for his naughty ones, though I abhorred his attempts upon me, yet I could not hate him […] but I did not know that it was love”
So it’s basically the “I thought things weren’t gonna work out, but then they did! Suddenly! No reason. Roll with it.” part of Fifty Shades. I’m not saying that Fifty Shades is a ripoff of Pamela, but it amazing how many parallels there are in shitty underdeveloped romances almost three centuries apart.
Anyway, Pamela and the Master have fallen in love, gotten married, and had their controversial marriage accepted by society. AKA, literally everything that has ever been a conflict in this book. So… why are there another fifty pages left?
Get ready for fifty pages of denouement, bitches!
The denouement – for all of you people reading this blog to actually learn about literature or Pamela, for some reason – is the part of the narrative after the conflict has been resolved, and you’re sort of just “winding down”. [Ariel says: I don’t know why we have to wind down this long.] Ideally, you want this to be long enough to give everything closure and make everything feel settled. We see books mess this up kind of a lot on this blog. Fifty Shades of Grey either had a single page or two additional novels of denouement, depending on how you look at it. Pamela has, again, another fifty pages.
First, Pamela has to summarize the entire story to Lady Davers, because it’s been about thirty pages since she summarized the entire novel. You probably know I’m being serious by now, but seriously the entire story:
“He sent me above a day’s journey towards my father’s, and then sent a man and horse, post-haste, to fetch me back again”
Yeah, remember how that cliffhanger where Part One ended with the Master finally giving up got resolved two pages into Part 2? And remember how that was exactly like like how book one of Fifty Shades ended and then book two resolved it in a chapter? Good times.
“Should you care I should [read your letters]?” [Lady Davers asked.] “It must be a rare and uncommon story.”
You would think.
Second (or first, if you don’t count “constantly retelling the plot” as wrapping up the loose ends of the plot), Pamela and the Master have to go back to where it all started and reassure all those characters who were last involved with the plot when Pamela was being kidnapped by a sexual predator that, “Nah, it’s cool now. We got married!”
So hopefully you’re not sick of people being happy for Pamela. And telling her how awesome it is that she got such a great reward for preserving her virginity. And saying, “wow, it’s a good thing the Master kidnapped you and kept trying to rape you, because it all worked out in the end!” Because those things are basically the remaining fifty pages of this book.
“There is such a noble simplicity in thy story,” [said Lady Davers]. “[That does] justify my brother’s conduct, and, at the same time, redound to your own everlasting honor, as well as to the credit of our sex.”
“Let my whole life show the joy I take in your deserved good fortune,” [Mrs. Jervis said]. “I beg pardon for my wrong step I made in [contacting] Lady Davers [about your kidnapping]”
“All is over now, Mrs. Jervis,” [said the Master]. “I shall not remember you ever disobliged me.”
I blessed God for my past escapes, and present happiness.
Actually, there’s a lot of Pamela thanking God for being so lucky as to be a victim of Stockholm syndrome.
I threw myself at his feet. “Permit me, dear sir, thus to bless God, and thank you, for all his mercies and your goodness.”
And then the rest of the chapter is Pamela saying “Hey, I’m
not dead happily married!” to every servant. And giving them money, because Pamela is basically charity porn. Every servant. So hopefully you remember every minor character from 400 pages earlier in the novel.
“Arthur [the gardener],” said my master, “I have brought you a mistress that is a great gardener. She’ll show you a new way to plant beans.”
Just in case you were curious how incredibly padded this book is, there’s finally a resolution to that “Arthur the gardener isn’t completely satisfied with the quality of his beans” subplot. PHEW.
Also, a casual reminder that one of the few actual loose threads is whether the Master’s ex-fling is still alive, because the patriarchy is fucking terrifying.
I had once a good mind to have asked [Lady Davers] about Miss Sally Godfrey […] I wonder, though, whether she be living or dead.
So it’s basically the part of Fifty Shades where Ana wonders who Layla is and whether she’s… okay, seriously, does E.L. James have a copy of Pamela?
Question: So what new tv shows are people watching, since a bunch of those have been premiering lately? I watched Blackish and thought it has some potential. I have Gotham on my roommate’s DVR but haven’t bothered yet. [Ariel says: I heard mixed things about Gotham but I still might give it a go. I highly recommend watching Garfunkle and Oats! I also started watching Scandal which is pretty dumb, but also really fun to watch.] And I have a wide range of Thoughts about Doctor Who, obviously.