Just a reminder, today is our last day of regular blog coverage of the year! Next week we’re doing some special end of 2016 stuff to reminisce about all the good times we had this year with these truly unmemorable books. Otherwise we’d probably just have forgotten.
Calendar Girl (March): Chapter 8
Unsurprisingly, the week following the events of the last chapter have made things tense between Mia, Tony, and Hector. Fortunately, none of that has any bearing on this chapter, where they all happily celebrate St. Patrick’s Day and go to a bar together. Good thing I got to read that update, though, I guess.
Hector does have a heart-to-heart with Mia where he 1) explains some backstory that he figured Tony “was afraid” to tell his “very old-fashioned” father that he was gay and figured it would change after he died last year, but he still seems to be afraid his mother would see him in some reductive, stereotyped way, and 2) picks out Mia’s outfit.
Hector encourages Mia to wear a suspicious amount of green, and he points out that it’s St. Patrick’s Day!
“Holy smokes, it is windy!” I said to the two guys as each took one of my elbows.
“That’s why they call it the Windy City. Don’t worry. Wait a half hour, and the weather will change.”
So, fun thing about that! I grew up in the Chicagoland area. While Chicago is very windy (and “If you don’t like the weather, wait fifteen” minutes is a common enough joke), a more local explanation for the city’s nickname is that it’s actually a reference to Chicago’s historically crooked politics. But that’s more something you’d know if you, say, lived there all your life.
“Seriously, it’s a phenomenon. Lived here all my life.”
…well alright then.
They go to see the Chicago River get dyed green for St. Patrick’s Day. Mia freaks out about it before they explain, yes, this is a real thing and it’s totally safe. Mia describes this wonder.
Reminded me of Van Gogh’s Starry Night
the way the green made spirals in the water.
I guess? I’ve never been to Las Vegas, so I don’t want to presume, but, um, IS THE SKY GREEN IN LAS VEGAS?
Tony gets all swept up in the moment and kisses Hector! In public! He also kisses Mia on the lips before he kisses Hector, “the way a brother would his sister”, which I guess is… a thing? You do you, Tony.
Mia asks “What’s the deal with St. Patrick’s Day, anyway?”, because she’s just full of choice quotes this chapter.
“Are you Irish?” […]
“Nope,” Tony responded.
“Then what’s the big deal?” The importance of this event made absolutely no sense.
Oh, Mia, if you only knew how often that criticism was applicable to these books.
She gets Tony to admit it’s basically just an excuse to drink all day, and then they go to an Irish Pub where they have seats reserved because they know the owner. The owner calls Tony a “fucking dago” and Tony calls the owner a “fucking mick”. That’s not even the weird part.
For women, those would be fighting words.
Ugh, women! Getting all upset about casual racism, unlike men who never do that!
Once they start drinking, Mia gets a text from Wes!
“Happy St. Patrick’s Day. You know what they say about green eyes?”
How has Wes not had any stiffer competition for the series’ true love interest yet?
“No, I don’t. What do they say?” […]
“Where are you?”
HE DIDN’T EVEN DELIVER THE PUNCHLINE TO HIS OWN DANG JOKE FOR ANOTHER COUPLE TEXTS. DUDE.
She tells him where she is and he mysteriously stops texting. “Strange”, thinks Mia. “Well, I guess Wes is going to show up out of nowhere, fucking obviously,” thinks the reader.
I gasped, not really believing he was standing there, right in front of me.
“Aren’t you going to say anything, sweetheart?”
This took all of two pages.
Wes and Mia start making out, and – to his credit – Tony freaks out thinking some drunk rando was bothering Mia. But then Mia explains that it’s Wes. Tony apologizes, explaining “you know, drunk men […] people can get hands. I was just looking out for her”, then introduces Hector, “my partner“, and invites Wes to join them for drinks. Hopefully you enjoyed this one shining moment of the characters in Calendar Girl behaving like actual dang adults, because it took us three fucking books to get here.
“that’s her guy. You know, the one I told you about, the surfing movie maker?” […]
“Your guy? Your surfer movie maker?” Wes chuckled and pulled me to his side. “Is that what you call me?” […]
I blurted, “I could have said Mr. Fucks Like a God. Would you have preferred that?” […]
“As a matter of fact, tell that to all your clients and any prospective dates and boyfriends from here on out.”
And it doesn’t last very long either.
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