Calendar Girl (July) Chapter 3: Mia Shows Off Her Internet Skillz

Calendar Girl (July) Chapter 3:

Mia receives a text from Wes that “chill[s] [her] blood”, so I thought that maybe he was cutting ties or vaguely alluding to murdering Aaron in a very Crossfire turn of events. In reality, he tells Mia he’s coming to visit her for her birthday and that Ginelle gave him a heads up about it.

In a rage, Mia calls Gin because we just can’t seem to catch a break from her.

I licked my lips, remembering our last encounter in Chi-Town. It was intense, carnal, and seared into my memory for eternity.

“Hello, Mia? Dick got your tongue? I sure as hell hope so. You’re grumpy since that political prick got his grubby hands on you.”

Wow, that is one hell of a way to diminish what Mia is going through. I wish part of Mia’s journey was realizing how awful Gin is and growing apart from her. If your best friend is simultaneously making light of your sexual assault and twisting phrases in lame, cringey ways, I say give them a stern talking to at the very least. Mia sort of tries:

“Gin! I was attacked. Have a little mercy.”

Her voice went instantly soft. “I know, babe. I’m sorry. I just don’t want you to let that fucker get the best of you. No man gets to have that power over you. Remember. That’s what you told me after all the shit you went through with Blaine.”

Wouldn’t it be great if that Blaine-related backstory meant anything to us at all? I’m not sure if this is going to be explained to us soon to tie into what happened with Aaron, but given Calendar Girl’s track record, I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s only ever vaguely alluded too and we’ll maybe see Blaine briefly once or twice more before the story ends.

Gin and Mia discuss how despite the fact that she finds Anton incredibly attractive, she just doesn’t feel like she’s ready to hook up with him. Gin is supportive of this, but then immediately decides that Wes coming to town is what will fix things. So it’s not Anton’s dick that will fix Mia, it’s Wes’ probably.

The next portion of the chapter is Mia thinking about whether she’s in love with Wes (skiiiiiip, we’ve already recapped this countless times) and then wondering if she’s a player. No, sorry, not only does she wonder if she’s a player…she goes into incredible detail about looking up what it means to be a player online.

Lightning fast, I pulled up my Internet app and typed in the word Player.

Beep Boop Beep. Thank you, Internet application, for your optimal performance. – Robot Mia

The Internet helpfully supplied the following.

Player 1. A person taking part in a sport or game. Football player.

2. A person playing a musical instrument. A trumpet player.

But that isn’t what Mia wants! Silly, internet.

Not the type of player definition I was going for. Just under that definition was a link to a different website named “Metropolitan Dictionary.” I clicked the link. Player A male who is talented at manipulating or “playing” others, and skilled at seducing the opposite sex by pretending to care for them when their only interest is in sex.

Is…is “Metropolitan Dictionary” supposed to be a stand in for Urban Dictionary? Oh my god, why are we reading about Mia Googling using generic internet app to look up a fucking word? You would think her quest is over, but it’s not. She then heads over to “Intellectipedia”. Carlan should get a second job coming up with knockoff store brand cereal names; she is truly gifted. I’m honestly surprised she didn’t create a fake search engine called Boogle. It was truly a missed opportunity to really show off her talent.

Finally, Mia confirms that she’s a player because she’s not sleeping with each guy with the intention of starting a relationship. I have no idea what this added to the story. Then again I feel that way about most of the things that happen in this series.

The next morning, Anton asks Mia to meet him up on the roof where he shows her his garden and his sensitive side. He gives her a whole spiel about how negative thoughts are like weeds in the garden, and he tries to get Mia to open up about why she “freezes” when he touches her even in a friendly way. Hm. You don’t have to have suffered a trauma like Mia’s to not be interested in a man you’ve just met touching you even in just a friendly manner, but sure, okay.

Moments later, Mia pricks herself on one of the flowers, and things kick off:

“Ouch!” I pulled my finger back and flailed it into the air. He grabbed it and popped the digit into his mouth. Three things happened all at once.

Why does he immediately grab her finger and put it in his mouth? This would not be my gut reaction to seeing anyone prick their finger let alone someone who I was fully aware was uncomfortable with me touching them. They were just talking about this!

The three things that happen are: 1) Mia is super aroused 2) She gets anxious 3) She blacks out and tells us that she’s back in the moment “against that fucking wall.”

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6 comments

  1. wordswithhannah Reply

    Geez, Anton, why don’t you just stick her finger into a petri dish somewhere? The human mouth is NOT where broken skin should go!

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  2. Andreas Reply

    “I want to suck your blood!”

    Is that where Calendar Girl turns into a romantic vampire novel?

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  3. Jennifer Layton Reply

    Out of curiosity, I Googled “Player” and came up with a band that had two hits in the 70s, “Baby Come Back” and “This Time I’m in it For Love.” I’d forgotten how much I loved those songs when they were on the radio (I’m an old person), so I pulled the songs up on my Apple Music app and am now singing along. This is the one enjoyable experience I have had related to these awful Calendar Girl books. I am pleasantly surprised.

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  4. Pingback: Calendar Girl (July) Chapter 5: Mia Tries Gelato for the First Time and Solves All the Problems - Bad Books, Good Times

  5. Pingback: Calendar Girl (July) Chapter 7: Wes and Mia are Official - Bad Books, Good Times

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