Fifty Shades of Grey’s Top Five Sexiest Sex Scenes That Have Sex In Them

The definitive guide to the top Fifty Shades of Grey excerpts, sexy edition.

Fifty Shades of Grey Excerpts: Top Five Sexiest Sex Scenes That Have Sex In Them

gangum style gif, from bad books, good times fifty shades of grey excerpts
For an idea of what “sexy” is.

#5 – The First Sex Scene (Fifty Shades of Grey Chapter 8)

The list of Fifty Shades’s best sex scenes would have to include the first time the romantic leads have sex, like for most people. This is where the reader has their first taste of James’s masterful language of seduction.

The muscles inside the deepest, darkest part of me clench in the most delicious fashion.

“Clench in the most delicious fashion” has to be the sexiest description possible of the physiological changes undergone in anticipation of penetrative sexual activity, much like “the physiological changes undergone in anticipation of penetrative sexual activity”.  James continues the seduction with an entrancing description of Ana’s first glimpse at Christian Grey’s penis.

Pulling off his boxer briefs, his erection springs free. Holy cow…

Christian’s sexy seduction of sexiness is on full display as well, and it’s impossible to let go from here.

“I’m going to fuck you now, Miss Steele,” he murmurs as he positions the head of his erection at the entrance of my sex. “Hard”

#4 – The First Blowjob Scene (Fifty Shades of Grey Chapter 9)

James’s pace is relentless as she immediately follows the first sex scene with a tantalizing oral sex scene.

Turning to face him, I’m shocked to find he has his erection firmly in his grasp. My mouth drops open.
“I want you to become well acquainted, on first name terms if you will, with my favorite and most cherished part of my body.”

The scene continues to flesh out the novel’s best developed character: Christian Grey’s penis.

He’s my very own Christian-Grey flavored Popsicle.

Popsicles look like penises. This is sexy. Like sex.

 #3 – The Ice Cream Scene (Fifty Shades Darker Chapter 4)

“But when does the kinky stuff start?” you might be asking. “The kinky sex is the best sex!” Then I bring you to the third entry on this list, when Christian Grey spices up the foreplay… with ice cream. Although ice cream isn’t spicy, James’s main character, Ana, is there to draw you into the scene’s raw sensuality.

We’re going to have fun, with food.

Christian Grey sets the mood with a clever innuendo.

Very slowly, he peels off the lid of the tub and dips the spoon in.
“Hmm . . . it’s still quite hard”

Once again, Ana conveys the sexy sexiness of the sexy sex scene. Sexily.

Holy cow. It’s cold, it’s hot, it’s tantalizing, but he doesn’t stop. He trails the ice cream further down my body, into my pubic hair, on to my clitoris.


#2 – The Scene Where Christian Grey Shaves Ana’s Pubic Hair (Fifty Shades Freed Chapter 3)

Lest you were concerned that 900 pages of erotica covered all the sex these crazy kids could possibly have, E L James keeps things sexy with endless sexy surprises – like the time Christian Grey shaves Ana’s pubic hair.

I hear the slosh of water as he dips the shaving brush in the glass of water, then the soft swirl of the brush in the mug.

“Slosh” is truly one of the sexier words in the English language.

I gasp as he runs the lathered brush over my pubic bone. It’s warm. The water in the glass must be hot. […] with a gentleness that surprises me, he runs the razor over my sensitive flesh.

Seduction at its finest.

 #1 – The Tampon Scene (Fifty Shades of Grey Chapter 23)

If you only have time to read one of Fifty Shades’s sex-ceptional forrays into kinky, steamy, kinky steam, then turn the novel open to the twenty-third chapter for the steamiest of the steamiest and the sexiest of the sexiest.

His breathing is ragged, matching mine.
“When did you start your period, Anastasia?”

James draws you into the throes of sexual fury with her most visceral language and disjointed sentence structure yet!

He reaches between my legs and pulls on the blue string – what?! – and gently takes my tampon out and tosses it into the nearby toilet. Holy fuck. Sweet mother of all … Jeez. And then he’s inside me … ah!

And now you probably don’t feel all that bad that your sex life is so boring you have to read Fifty Shades of Grey.

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  1. Violet Reply

    That was strange, creepy and my goodness EL James is so so clueless. Thanks for another funny post. Food play brings yeast infections. Sexy.

  2. Bellomy Reply

    Slightly off-topic, but this reminds me of part of the reason I was so disappointed in Rowling’s new book. At one point, she’s going through the mind, third person, of one of the main characters. He’s a teenager on a school bus, and he’s sitting on the bus. Then randomly, in the middle of his internal monologue, Rowling decides to tell us that the vibrations of the bus gave him an erection and he had to shift his leg to cover it.

    Thanks, Jo. Now THAT was a fascinating insight into the male body, and man did it add to my enjoyment and understanding of the book! I don’t know what I would have done, or how I would have looked at that book’s legacy, without knowing that the vibrations of the bus gave that character an erection. What an important detail to tell me.

    Then later she decides to tell us that when the girl he has a crush on isn’t on the bus, he has an ache in his heart “and in his balls”. Er, okay, maybe Rowling doesn’t have as much insight into the male body as I thought, because no matter how attracted I was to somebody it never, ever manifested itself as an ache in my balls.

    I had a bad feeling that would happen, but it was fairly obvious when reading her scenes featuring teenagers that she was trying to make it clear that she was no longer writing for teenagers. Which was dumb. Just write how you would naturally next time, Jo, ‘kay?

    • matthewjulius Post authorReply

      Well, it’s still slightly more figurative than literal, but you’re a lucky son of a gun for never having had to experience blue balls.

      • Bellomy Reply

        If it’s figurative, it was just dumb and awkward. As for blue balls, well, I have to say I wouldn’t describe them…at all, actually. Why would I? It’s a detail that adds nothing to the plot except to remind us that, yes, teenage boys think about sex a lot.

      • Bellomy Reply

        (At one point writing this I thought, “Is revealing this information embarrassing for me?”, then I realized three things: 1, nobody I know really reads these comments anyway, 2, I don’t care, and 3, only slightly related to the other two, but based on my comments here I need to come off as fairly asexual and believe me, I’m not. Just to point that out.”

  3. Chuck Reply

    Damn it, I just KNEW the tampon scene was going to be #1, just when I had managed to suppress the horror. I’m gonna become a monk, I think these books have ruined sex for me. Though, in fairness, I’ve done my part to ruin sex for me too. 🙂

  4. Ali Reply

    I was on the ferry on Friday, and in the gift shop looking for books, and a couple university guys started doing a dramatic reading of fifty shades of grey. It was pretty awesome.

  5. Tâmara Reply

    Great picks! Now that I see all of this together, I can say that reads a lot like the first draft of a Hetalia fic a friend of mine showed me, for some reason I’ll never understand. She was really proud of it. The best part was when he “entered her” just at the time a lighting struck a tree nearby.

    Worried she will become a creepy otaku E.L. James. By the way, I was never really close to her.

  6. Amy Reply

    “The scene continues to *flesh out* the novel’s best developed character: Christian Grey’s penis.” [**emphasis mine]
    EL James could learn an awful lot from you. That sentence was hot.

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  8. Rachelle Reply

    Doesn’t he know you don’t flush sanitary products!?! He’s just asking for a clogged toilet and one expensive plumbing bill.

  9. Sandra1345 Reply

    Tonight one day before taking my in service exam, I read a few chapters of a Fifty shades of grey to clear my head from all the informations I stuffed in my head….I stopped after reading enough to throw up….I know now what is all the hype about…it is clearly porn..there is no second word to describe it…best of luck to the actors who will play the characters in the movie….they will have fun :))))

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