A quick interruption from Matthew – Apparently there’s a sale on Spreadshirt, which means there’s a sale at the Bad Books, Good Times Store! You can get 20% off your order with the code MONEY20 until January 14th. This is a pretty okay time to get your BBGT mug, you guys. Okay, important news over. Back to jokes about vampyres and poop!
In chapter twelve of House of Night: Marked, Zoey noticed that resident Hot Guy Erik was staring at her during his monologue in drama class. Man, speaking of drama, he’s the same guy who she saw getting a blow job from Aphrodite!
He had been looking at me. But why? He must have known that it had been me in the hall. So what kind of interest in me was he showing? And did I want a guy to like me who had been getting a blow job from the hateful Aphrodite? I probably shouldn’t. I mean, I definitely wasn’t going to take up where she left off.
All this just because he made some eye contact with her. Imagine if he’d said hello, Zoey would have probably slapped him and been like, “WOAH, buddy, I will not be used by you! This isn’t an episode of Girls. You can take your penis elsewhere!” Although, she probably would have made a far more obscure and/or outdated pop culture reference. [Matthew says: Probably more like “Whoa, buddy, this isn’t Beach Blanket Bingo!” God, why do I even know what that is.]
Zoey goes to Lit class where she starts to discuss Erik with Damien and Stevie Rae, but then class goes and starts like a total asshole. UG.
The Lit teacher begins discussing how she was alive when the Titanic sank, which prompts Zoey to describe the ending of the film Titanic in one of the most hilarious ways I’ve ever had the pleasure of reading.
This particular movie I watched so many times I still have most of it memorized (and I can not tell you how many times I snot cried when he slipped off that board and floated away like an adorable Popsicle).
Isn’t Leo dreamy when he drowns? I mean just look at the ice in his hair, like those sexy 90s frosted tips. [Matthew says: Her very own Leonardo DiCaprio-flavored Popsicle.]
[Matthew says: Also, it would be a terrible thing if we didn’t mention this hilarious line when Damien and Stevie Rae gasp when Zoey answers a question in class (and no, that’s not even the funny part):
Jeesh, had I really been acting so stupid that they were shocked to hear me answer a question correctly?
…kind of. Let’s look at some of her other choice quotes.
I settled in with […] my notebook to take, well, notes.
Maybe that’s why they gasped when you said something not-stupid, Zoey.]
Zoey goes on to mention that she’s already a lot more interested in what they’re teaching at Vampyre school than at her former high school. This is mainly because the teachers were actually alive when a lot of the events they’re learning about happened. You’d think that vampyres would be in high demand at schools around the country for this very reason – it’s not like vampyres aren’t in other mainstream roles (you’ll recall all the famous country singer vampyres, I’m sure). Which raises the question of why Zoey was so wary when she first got marked and thought that all vampyres were goth weirdos. [Matthew says: Wait, this is a really good point. Why are people terrified of vampyres if every single celebrity in the world is a vampyre? Is… is this a better culture than ours?]
What follows is a scene that I initially thought wasn’t worth discussing here, but since it goes on for awhile and leads to a line I’d like to include here, I’ll explain. A boy named Elliot gets a stern talking to by the Lit teacher after class for falling asleep and being a general failure. He is unphased. [Matthew says: Although the teacher does say, “Elliot, you are, of course, failing Lit. But what’s more important, you’re failing life”, which will probably be my favorite line in this whole book.] After this, he bumps into Damien and calls him a fag.
He shook his head. “Don’t worry about it. That Elliott kid has major problems.”
“Yeah, like having poopie for brains,” I said, staring down the hall at the slug’s back. His hair was certainly unattractive.
This marks the third time a chapter ends with a mention of poop. This isn’t a cliffhanger, though.
Yup, this chapter ends with Damien, Stevie Rae, and Zoey chuckling about the word “poopie,” and Zoey muses that she might have found a home here. I’m just happy I finally wrote a post that’s under 800 words.