Matt’s previously discussed some of the sexiest scenes we’ve read for Valentine’s Day (roughly), but what about the scary scenes for Halloween? It’s not all blow jobs and dramatic declarations of love in books we’ve read here.
In honor of Halloween tomorrow, we’ve crunched the numbers, held round table discussions, and argued violently into the night (okay, none of those things happened) to bring you the top ten scariest moments from the books of Bad Books, Good Times.
In no particular order:
1. When Ana got kidnapped by Jack Hyde! (Fifty Shades Freed)
Ariel says: Boy oh boy was that scene terrifying! All along it was Elizabeth who was working with Hyde! Elizabeth. I didn’t even know she was supposed to be a character in that book, and here she was, working with the bad guy!
Matthew says: I still don’t know who Elizabeth is! THAT’S WHY IT’S SO SCARY. What made this scene even scarier and not at all childish and laughable was Jack Hyde’s excessive profanity!
“Listen here, you prick-teasing, gold-digging whore. You fucked up my life. Grey fucked up my life. You owe me. I have the little bitch with me now. And you, that cock-sucker you married, and his whole fucking family are going to pay.”
I’m quakin’ in my boots!
2. When Nora sees spilled milk on the floor… and realizes SHE spilled the milk! (Hush, Hush)
Matthew says: While Nora coming home to discover her love interest’s angel ex-girlfriend Dabria has broken in and is planning to kill her with – among other things – knives and fire is certainly a scary moment in its own right, nothing can top the horror of the moment from the scene where Nora forgets she dropped a carton of milk.
I was walking the milk carton back to the fridge when I saw her standing in the doorway between the kitchen and laundry room.
A cold, wet substance pooled at my feet and I realized I dropped the milk.
Ariel says: Christ, Matt, I completely forgot about this scene. I’m getting chills just remembering this. I think we all had the experience reading this scene wondering, “Who dropped the milk? Was it another evil, and also careless, angel? A demon? A ghost?” The possibilities were seemingly endless, but in the end it was our very own Nora who did the deed.
Matthew says: It was the most haunting revelation of all.
3. When Gideon made an exact replica of Eva’s bedroom in his apartment. (Bared To You)
Matthew says: But no, seriously, this was terrifying.
Ariel says: It’s like something out of an actual horror film! We could do a whole separate post on how books like Fifty Shades and Bared to You could so easily slip into the realm of horror. Imagine if your psycho boyfriend owned every fucking place in the city you lived in and he made it impossible for you to escape his grasp. Luckily Christian and Gideon aren’t psychos…sort of.
We entered a candlelit room that still smelled faintly of new paint. For a few seconds I was disoriented, unable to comprehend how we’d stepped out of Gideon’s apartment and into my bedroom.
“I don’t understand.” A serious understatement, but my brain was still trying to get past the feeling of being teleported from one residence to another. “You . . . moved me in with you?”
“Not quite.” He set me down, but kept an arm around me. “I recreated your room based on the photo I took of you sleeping.”
But seriously, Eva walks into a room that is an exact replica of her own room in Gideon’s home. Her reaction easily could have fallen on the side of terrified instead of romantic. Well, I’m terrified for her.
Matthew says: That’s all part of the horror, Ariel! The characters don’t know how much danger they’re really in! It’s like shouting “don’t go in the corn field!” during a horror movie, except it’s “don’t go in the replica of your room a man who is obsessed with you built in his apartment!”
4. When Gideon ordered Eva the soup she wanted even though she never told him what soup she wanted. (Reflected In You)
Matthew says: What’s extra scary about this one is that we still don’t know how he knew!
He ordered tomato soup and chicken noodle, which caused a painful tightness in my chest. Without being told, he’d ordered what I wanted.
OH MY GODDDDD. How did he know? HOW DID HE KNOW?
Ariel says: Gideon is just a terrifying individual. His ability to know-all may be romantic to some (Eva), but it’s creepy as hell to most.
Matthew says: If I was alone with a man and he knew what soup I was going to order without me telling him, there’s like a 75% chance he’s gonna stab me.
5. When Christian shaved Ana’s pubic hair. (Fifty Shades Freed)
Ariel says: Jokes about how gross I find this aside, the thought of having someone else shave down there (who is not a professional. A professional vag shaver/waxer or what have you) for me is terrifying. One wrong move down there and your lady bits are in SO MUCH PAIN.
Matthew says: I like this scene because it uniquely combines the horror tropes of body horror with erotic fiction. It’s a great crossover for all those people who like to rub one out to the chestburster scene from Alien.
6. When Kyle tried to kill Melerer and failed. 🙁 (The Host)
Matthew says: Who would live! Who would die! Halfway through a ten million page Stephenie Meyer novel, the stakes couldn’t be higher!
7. Greg’s sudden weight gain due to the evil camera’s curse. (Say Cheese and Die–Again!)
Ariel says: This is actually one of my worst nightmares. I don’t fucking care if you think I’m all about society’s expectations for women and I should have more of a positive attitude towards bodies of all kinds. Sure I think all shapes and sizes can be attractive, but I’m sorry, gaining 400 pounds in general, let alone OVERNIGHT, is horrific for me to think about. I’m 4’11. I would look like a massive dumpling of a woman!
Matthew says: Even more terrifying, no one in the story thought this was weird. In fact, they openly mocked him for noticeably gaining weight overnight. I mean, the kid was so fat he couldn’t get out of his chair! Or even run!
I let out a cry of fury – and went running for the door.
At least, I tried to run. But I was too heavy to move fast. I could only waddle.
It’s like the scary scene in Psycho where the woman gets stabbed in the shower, except it’s a kid getting fat and everyone makes fun of him.
Ariel says: Furthermore, if I was going to gain all that weight, I’d at least like to enjoy thousands of milkshakes, burritos, and chicken nuggets. Gaining it overnight because of some curse would suck the most balls of all.
8. When Christian freaked the fuck out on Ana when she found out she was pregnant. (Fifty Shades Freed)
“Christ, Ana!” He bangs his fist on the table, making me jump, and stands so abruptly he almost knocks the dining chair over. “You have one thing, one thing to remember. Shit! I don’t fucking believe it. How could you be so stupid?”
Matthew says: Actually this one speaks for itself.
9. When Christian showed up in Georgia when Ana went to visit her mother and somehow knew exactly where she was. (Fifty Shades of Grey)
Ariel says: Christian’s ability to find Ana anywhere she went was always really creepy, but it was especially so in the first book when they’d only known each other for five minutes. That being said, the whole series took place in an astonishingly short amount of time, so it never got significantly less off-putting. I found this even more scary then when he figured out where she worked and showed up to see her again, because he actually had to get on a flight to track her down where she was hanging out with her mother. I can’t remember if they were out at a bar or something, but it was way weird.
10. Ian Finds Out The Woman/Alien He Loves Is Leaving Forever And Starts Beating Everybody Up (The Host)
Matthew says: What’s scarier than the constant threat of being discovered by bodysnatching aliens? Why, it’s actually very simple! Love.
Ian glared down at the three of us with such fury that Sunny shivered in terror. It was an odd thing— as if Kyle and Ian had switched faces. Except Ian’s face was still perfect, unbroken. Beautiful, even though it was enraged.
When Ian learns that Wanderer is going to sacrifice herself and leave them forever, he does what any jilted unrequited lover would do: start kicking people in the face.
Ian hauled his knee back and smashed his foot hard into Kyle’s face.
Ariel says: The Ian rampage! It was like who’s he gonna punch next?!
Ian’s fist struck Jared so fast that I missed the blow — I just felt the lurch in his body and saw Jared reel back into the dark hall.
Matthew says: With his sudden and inexplicable violence from his distraught over a woman who never previously returned his affections, Ian was easily one of the scariest villains in a horror story I’ve ever read!