This is it, y’all. Calendar Girl is just about a wrap! Today I recap the epilogue, and later this week Ariel recaps the “Where Are They Now” chapter. We actually read this whole ridiculous 12-book series. TWELVE. We saw it grow up from a sexy sexy fuck-of-the-month erotic romance series into a soap opera about secret long-lost family members and PTSD and – for some inscrutable reason – a love letter to the American military. “Grow up” might not have been quite the right word in immediate retrospect.
I’m weirdly going to miss it though, and I hope you’ve enjoyed it too. Calendar Girl has been a wild, baffling ride. So let’s do this! As our friend Mia would say, let’s trust the journey! Let’s see how Mia’s journey of self-discovery ends!
Calendar Girl (December): Epilogue
lol jk the entire epilogue is written from Wes’s point of view. Can you think of a better metaphor for Mia’s story through Calendar Girl than for her voice to suddenly disappear as a man takes over for her? Probably not!
The moment you look into the eyes of the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with, it hits you. This is the last woman you are going to kiss.
See literally book one for evidence of how this is not quite how this played out.
The last woman you will tumble with on a bed of cool sheets.
“I knew from the moment* I looked into Mia’s eyes that she would be the last* woman I kissed, the last* woman I tumbled with on a bed of cool sheets. (*Not counting the few months we were like, “well, this isn’t anything serious yet” and we both hooked up with people we were working with.)”
The one female that will follow you through all the remaining days you have in this world.
Why the fuck do we have to listen to this male
“But Matthew, isn’t it kind of nice to hear someone talk about what Mia means to them? It’s not like we haven’t heard Mia muse on what the year meant to her (sorta). It’s sort of nice to end on this note, shaking things up a bit, hearing from someone else talk about how Mia changed their life.” Yeah, maybe, but for all of Calendar Girl‘s flaws, at least her year was about more than just becoming someone’s wife, which is exactly what an epilogue like this reduces her journey to.
There was nothing but Mia. There will never be anything but Mia. She is my reason for existing. I wouldn’t be here today if it weren’t for her.
“But Matthew, isn’t there at least some subversive value in how this is a romance where the male character is the one who isn’t super fleshed out and exists just to be a love interest for a woman?” What the fuck, no, this is just a celebration of their weird co-dependency. I give their marriage like eight months, tops. That’s kind of a stretch, weirdly antagonistic hypothetical reader. Stop arguing with me.
Friends of mine joked that it was Mia’s body that had me ass over a barrel, but it wasn’t. It was her eyes.
“Friends of mine joked that it was Mia’s [something that doesn’t have anything to do with who she is as a person] that had me ass over a barrel, but it wasn’t. It was her [something that doesn’t have anything to do with who she is as a person].”
“Do you Weston Channing, the third…”
Mia mouthed “the third,” and I chuckled and then hid it
WHY NOT MENTION THAT? Hell, this running joke about Wes’s privileged background that he takes in self-effacing stride is actually maybe the only thing that’s even a little charming about these two? But, sure, let’s go with her eyes. It is her eyes that definitely, definitely stand out the most to me, a person who is reading about it in a book.
But back to my point about how this epilogue from Wes’s point of view is trash because it reduces Mia’s entire journey to just becoming someone’s wife. Someone who is weirdly obsessed with making sure the US government recognizes the validity of their love.
“Do you, Mia Saunders…” The preacher issued her vows, but it was all white noise. Until her mouth moved.
“I do,” she said, and licked her lips and bit down on the bottom one.
I wanted to rush the holy man to get to the good part. The part where he makes her mine. Legally.
Calendar Girl Books 1-12: “Hi! I’m Mia! I’m going to learn a lot about what I want out of life this year!”
Calendar Girl epilogue: “YOU WILL LEGALLY BE MINE, FEMALE.”
Gin, somewhere: “I’m the only woman who got out of this story without pinning all my self-worth on a relationship with a man. Plot twist, motherfuckers!”
her real wedding present was sitting in the driveway.
I went pricey with the MV Augusta FCC that she’d been drooling over. Yeah, I searched her internet history. Funny thing about this woman. You’d expect to see links to places like Victoria’s Secret and Bloomingdales, but not my girl. No, the majority of her searches were honeymoon destinations and motorcycle websites.
Things about this passage ranked in order of how they defy expectations:
- Literally nothing. None of this is surprising.
- Three-way tie between this information about Mia, that Wes finds this information surprising, and that Wes snooped through her browser history
“You may now kiss the bride.”
He no sooner got the words out than I had my girl’s cheeks in my hands and my mouth was devouring hers. She tasted of mint and champagne. Absolutely delicious.
Sneak peek when Ariel recaps the “Where Are They Now” chapter later this week: Wes ate Mia.
Over the past year, alongside Mia and because of her influence, I, too, have learned to trust the journey. Only, when it comes right down to it, our journeys never truly end. Each day can be the start of a new one. A new life. With Mia, our family, and the friends she and I have made along the way…our journey has ultimately just begun.
You know what? I don’t hate this. This is a good theme and a good ending. Life doesn’t really have endings, just checkpoints where you pause and reflect and then do the work on yourself that you will always need to do. Wes and Mia learned a lot from each other’s influence! For example…
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ok, like one time they did reverse cowgirl. Can anyone think of anything else?
If you trust in our journey, please consider buying the BBGT writers a cup of coffee! That’d be swell of you!
I love the passive-aggressive gifs. XD This entire series was such a wild, unpredictable ride. I’m almost sad to see it go…
lol jk the entire epilogue is written from Wes’s point of view.
Who asked for this.
I mean…it’s a choice.
Wes raises the important questions: whose body are Mia’s eyes part of, since apparently it’s not hers?
Also mint and champagne sounds like the grossest combination, and coincidentally is probably a good metaphor for how their marriage will go.
To me, that says she was trying to get soused before the ceremony and then hide it by taking a breath mint. I’d be worried if it were my spouse-to-be!
Wes: MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE
Wow, I hate Wes so much. I hate all the love interests on this blog so much, I honestly don’t know who’s the worst.